The Choices We Make
by prlrocks
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Chuck realizes he has feelings for Casey. It leads to him making a choice he never imagined he’d have to face, Casey or Sarah? Casey and Sarah make a pact that Chuck survives the day he is no longer the Intersect. C/Chuck/S
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Choices We Make  
**Author:** Prlrocks  
**Pairings:** Casey/Chuck and Chuck/Sarah  
**Rating:** MA  
**Word count:** 3,700 for this chapter  
**Warnings:** If you don't like angst, run away, this fic isn't for you. It's a bit dark for the Chuck fandom. Includes adult situtions and violence.  
**Beta: ru_salki99,** who I can't thank enough. She's great and has been very kind enough to help me.  
**Disclaimers:** Characters are sadly not mine *sniff*  
**Feedback:** Yes, please. Be honest. If something needs work, let me know. I'm always looking to improve my writing.  
**Timeline:** Early 2010: 2 and a half years after Chuck first became the Intersect.  
**Summary:** After a mission gone wrong, Chuck relizes he has feelings for Casey. It leads to him making a choice he never imagined he'd have to face, Casey or Sarah? Meanwhile, Casey and Sarah make a pact that Chuck survives the day he is no longer the Intersect, no matter what.

* * *

As Chuck heard another round of fire go off in the building, he pinned himself against the wall and stared at his handler.

"Casey! What are we going to do?" he shouted over the blaring alarm.

Casey's hard gaze met his. "You aren't going to do anything. You hear me?"

While the gunfire was happening some distance away, they could already hear screaming and running coming their way. Casey's eyes combed over the white hallway before them, before grabbing a shocked Chuck roughly by the collar, dragging him to a nearby door, and throwing him in.

Bending over, he took the gun strapped to his ankle off and tossed it at Chuck, who grimaced and caught it clumsily.

"Stay here," Casey demanded, pointing at Chuck angrily. "I mean it."

Chuck opened his mouth and lifted his hands up to stop him. "But-"

With a final warning glare, Casey shut the door, leaving Chuck in near darkness. Closing his eyes, he breathed in and out, slowly and deeply, fighting the impulse to run after Casey.

The mission had gone wrong… horribly and completely wrong. If it had gone right, he wouldn't be scrunched up in a ball, hidden away in a cramped closet as gunfire rang throughout the building, but there he was and it was awful.

It only took a few moments, after Casey darted away, before Chuck heard several 'bad guys' following in close upon his heals. As he saw the men's shadows pass by his door, Chuck gritted his teeth and clenched his hands around the gun.

"Stop or we'll shoot!"

"You there!"

"Stop!"

Chuck's eyes went wide as the yelling stopped and firing began. Shaking, he tucked his head between his legs and wrapped his arms around his knees, gun still in hand. Suddenly, there was a pained scream and the sound of a body thumping to the floor.

Chuck's head flew up, his heart stopping at the dreadful sound. _Let him be okay! Please, let him be okay! _He begged.

Sitting there, tense, in near darkness, he listened to the pounding of footsteps as they faded away. It was only when it was quiet for a moment, that he relaxed enough to wipe away the tears, which were brimming in his eyes.

The cramped space was now becoming insufferably warm. Nervously, Chuck shifted the gun back and forth between his sweaty palms, his eyes glued to the sliver of light, coming from the crack in the door. He wanted to be on the other side.

Letting out an unsteady breath, Chuck shifted to find a more comfortable position. He wondered if he should go and try to find Casey. What if he needed him? He could be hurt. Chuck stared down, where in the dim light he could just barely make out the shape of the gun. He made his decision.

Sliding up the wall, he took a moment to steady himself. Slowly, creaking open the door, Chuck peeked out. There was no one in sight, but traces of the fight remained. The walls were marred with bullet holes and Chuck could see a few smears of blood on one of them. He diverted his eyes, trying to ignore both facts. Jogging down the hall, Chuck held his gun out awkwardly before him. As he checked around corners and darted through the building, he recalled the games he used to play with Bryce. Playing 'spy' had seemed so much fun then, something it definitely wasn't now, but he had to do it. He had to make sure Casey was okay.

Suddenly, the ringing of the alarm stopped. Somehow, Chuck had blocked out the sound, but now that it was gone, the silence haunting.

"Is it over?

Chuck stilled at the voice, before taking a few more steps and peeking around the next corner. There were two men standing there.

"Yeah, we got him. Damn fool ran out of bullets. He didn't stand a chance."

Chuck's heart stopped as the pain bloomed in his chest. _Gone. Casey was gone. He'd never see him again. _Shaking, Chuck's lowered his eyes to the gun in his hands. Casey had given him this gun, and than gone to fight. He had run out of bullets. Chuck knew he now owed him. Doing his best to ignore the stinging in his eyes, Chuck bit down on his lip, shifting the pain so he could focus. He tasted the tang of blood gushing into his mouth. Slowly, he peeked around the corner one more time, taking in the targets.

He took a deep breath. _He could do this. He had to do this._ He knew he'd die, but these bullets wouldn't go to waste. These were the bad guys and he'd die taking them down.

Stepping forward, Chuck took a shot at the two shocked faces. He saw one man grab his shoulder, while the other barreled towards him, pulling a gun from his hip. Before he got off a shot, Chuck fired again. In a whirl of movement, he felt his back slam against the wall and something hard smack him across the face. While, still feeling dazed, he struggled, thrashing against the man who was staring at him with cold deadly eyes. Chuck kneed the man, getting him to back off a bit.

"Mother fucker!" the man grunted, before, trembling, Chuck started to shoot again.

The man's eyes went wide. In a tangle of limbs, both Chuck and the man tumbled to the floor, the man falling on top of him. Gazing up, Chuck saw his other assailant above them, still holding his shoulder and fuming.

"They'll make you pay for that," the man hissed.

Not thinking, he grabbed the gun next to him, lifting his hand up and began shooting some more. Only when the other man fell, did he stop.

Pushing the other man off him, he stood up. Glancing down, he saw the two bodies. A pool of red was flowing from them. He could even feel their warmth running down his face. He stared for a moment, wide eyed and not knowing what to do. Unsure, he stared down the hall towards where he imagined Casey's dead body might be, before hearing people heading his way. Turning, he went in the other direction. He went down the hall, down endless flights of stairs and to the car. He ran, telling himself to never to look back.

How he got home, he didn't know, but when he did, he clasped on his bed and let out a sob. It was then he realized something, without Casey, he didn't know what he was going to do.

* * *

"Chuck! My god, Chuck!"

Popping his eyes open, Chuck peered up above him. It took a moment to register the fact, but he realized that it was Casey and Sarah currently hovering over him. They both seemed upset.

Sitting up quickly, he gazed at them, a slow smile forming on his face. "You're alive! I can't believe it." He began to laugh, but stopped when he noticed they weren't laughing back. They were both still staring at him, horror written on their faces. Following their eyes, he glanced down at his hands, which he saw were stained with blood. It had happened. They had 'died' and he had killed, but now, they were both standing here, leaning over him.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"We're here to ask you the same thing ourselves," Sarah whispered.

Chuck looked to Casey, whose eyes were burning. "I told you to stay!"

The anger in Casey's voice shocked him back into reality. Chuck threw his hands up in surrender. "But you died! I heard them. They said you ran out of bullets. You died! I felt…" he shook his head not knowing what else to say.

There was a flicker of amazement in Casey's eyes, before they hardened again. "I got captured, you idiot. And why the hell didn't you wait for Walker then?"

"I…" He looked between them both for understanding and found none. "I didn't think. Really, I thought I was alone." It was in this moment that Chuck realized something. Last night, he had forgotten Sarah was even on the mission with them. _No_… he corrected himself. _That wasn't right… _He had forgotten about Sarah, _completely. _How was that possible? After Casey and him had been separated from her, it was like she ceased to even exist. He ran because he thought himself alone. He ran because Casey was gone.

Casey's expression went cold. "You didn't _think? _That's all?" With that, Casey went to the door, tossed it open and promptly slammed it firmly shut behind him.

Chuck pursed his lips in disappointment. "He's angry."

"Yes! He's angry. _I'm _angry. We spent half the night tied up and tying to escape and the other half looking for _you._ And here you are," she said, her voice turning shrill. "Did it ever occur to you we thought you were dead… or worse?"

Not knowing what else to do, Chuck lowered his eyes in shame and shrugged. "I'm sorry."

Shaking her head in disgust, she turned sharply, threw the door open and walked to the bathroom. Chuck heard the water running for a moment, before she returned with a facecloth in hand. "Here, clean yourself up before your sister sees you." She threw it at him.

Getting himself up, Chuck walked over to his mirror and glanced at his reflection. Blood; he was covered in it; he felt that no facecloth could ever clean this mess up. It was mostly on his hands and shirt, but he was a bit horrified that he could see smears of blood, where, the night before, he had clawed at his face. Determined, Chuck began to wipe the evidence of his pain away.

It took a few moments, but he noticed Sarah glaring at him in the mirror, her arms crossed. "What?" he snapped tiredly as he continued his task.

"You didn't trust me to come get you?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

Chuck tilted his head and gave her his best puppy dog eyes. "It wasn't like that."

She quirked an eyebrow. "What was it like, Chuck?"

Chuck swallowed not knowing what to say. How could he admit to her that he had forgotten she had even been there? He settled on being very sincere. "Look, after I thought Casey was dead, I panicked. I was scared, terrified... I was…." He shook his head again not wanting to think about that confusing ache in his chest. "I ran. I'm sorry."

She sighed and took a few steps closer to him. "You did more then run. You slaughtered those two guys."

Chuck flinched. _Slaughtered? _Turning around, Chuck's hand had fallen stack by his side, the facecloth loose in his grip. Those were harsh words to use, particularly from Sarah.

She took a step forward and ran her hand down his arm. "Are you all right?"

Chuck stared at the hand on him. "Yeah, I think so." He had done what he had to do. Didn't he? He thought about it a few seconds longer, before adding, "But then maybe not. I really thought Casey was dead. That was…" He shook his head again, feeling sick to his stomach.

"It's his job to protect you, even if it means he doesn't protect himself. It's mine too. We both take it seriously. We just wish you'd take your job more seriously."

"No one has ever accused me of not living up to the Nerd Herders standards before. I took the oath and all," he joked lamely.

Sarah gave him a bittersweet smile. "That's what you do Chuck, but it's not your job. You're job is to stay alive."

Chuck frowned, not sure how he felt about that.

"Give me all your clothing." She beckoned with her hand, all business. "We don't want Ellie finding it."

Chuck went stiff as his shyness struck. Turning his back to her, he took his shirt off and threw it at her.

"The pants too."

For a second, Chuck glared at her over his shoulder, before going to his dresser and retrieving some fresh clothing. Slipping into the bathroom, he did as she asked and though his skin was stained with blood, he slipped on a fresh t-shirt and some sweats. Looking at his watch, he noticed it was smashed so he took it off and threw it in the garbage. He knew Sarah and Casey would get him a replacement. After washing the rest of the blood off his face, he exited and handed the clothing to Sarah.

She balled the clothing up and shoved it into a bag before walking to the door. She sighed. "Oath or not, you should call out from Buy More, today. It was a rough night."

"Yeah, I'll do that."

Sarah bit her lip and looked at Chuck, as if she were considering what to say. "Trust me, next time, Chuck. It's one of the first things I ever asked of you and now, I'm asking you again. _Trust _me. If one of us falls, the other will do_ anything _to get to you."

With that, Sarah walked out the door, leaving Chuck feeling awkward, ashamed and confused.

* * *

Casey was furious, not only with Chuck, but with himself. The mission had been his idea. Chuck hadn't flashed and the CIA and NSA hadn't made a request. Casey, himself, had volunteered them for this one. It should have been a simple mission, one that was catered to Chuck's unique strengths.

The plan had been to retrieve highly desired and highly protected information from a corrupt software company's computers. It was feared that the company was truly a front for cyberterrorists, though their motivations were less political and more profit orianted than what was normally expected from that lot. To him, this made them more dangerous. They were a bunch of immoral tradious leeches, selling their services to the highest bidder regaurdless of the 'buyer's' reason or target. The NSA and CIA wanted a list of who was involved on both ends and what their targets might be and Casey wanted them to be the ones to give it to them.

The company's own security for their systems was supposed to be so impenetrable, that the rest of the defenses were supposed to be lax by comparison. Casey had been as giddy as a Nerd Herder on a sugar rush when he had learned that. It was always the way with this sort, all nerd tech and no muscle. All they needed was one above average brainiac to get by their fancy security measures and they were in. It was also less then a week after the winter holidays. The security would still be relaxed and at ease after a week or so of celebrations. The leeches would never see what was coming for them. Unfortunately, a few unforeseen events had prevented this current wet dream of his from coming true.

Casey had figured that he and Walker would take care of the brunt work, while Chuck did his magic on retrieving the files. Other agents had tried and failed where, Casey believed, Chuck could succeed. Somewhere under the remains of that awkward Stanford reject, Casey knew there was a genius lying and waiting. It was a matter of making others, and more importantly Chuck, see his potential.

And that had been the point. To prove to the higher ups that Chuck was worthy of their attention; that he could be more than an asset or the Intersect, that he could be a capable agent as well, if given some time and training. Chuck needed to learn to take care of himself and even if he ended up behind some desk as an analysis, it would be better than nothing. No matter how many times Casey had pointed this out to them, his recommendation had gone unheeded. He had figured it had been time to push the point home and for all his luck, the mission had been a complete disaster.

Now, sitting on his couch, hard drink in hand, Casey pondered the future. He knew Chuck's time was limited. Bryce Larkin wouldn't always show up with intersect updates in hand and only so many well timed explosions could stop the new one from going up. A time would come when Casey received the order. One which, he now knew, he couldn't carry through on. It had been a harsh realization, one that he was still having trouble processing. All it had taken was one look at the nerd's stupid and incorrigible grin and knew he couldn't be responsible for its destruction. The world needed hopeful schmucks like him.

It was time for Plan B. What Plan B was, he didn't know, but he figured if he got drunk enough, inspiration might hit or at the very least, let him forget how badly Plan A went.

"A little early in the day for that, isn't it?"

Casey dropped his drink and grabbed his gun. Turning, he saw Walker smirking and closing the front door behind her.

"Who told you, you could come in?" Casey muttered, placing his gun back down beside him.

"You did, any time we needed to talk about Chuck, remember?"

Casey rubbed his face and grunted in agreement. It took a few moments for her to go on.

"He's really upset about this one."

"He should be for all the problems he caused," Casey said, glaring down at the spilt drink on his carpet.

"Remember all the panic we went through-"

Casey eyes flashed to hers. "I did _not_ panic."

Walker frowned, tilting her chin up defensively. "_Okay,_ remember all the panic I went though when we didn't know where he was? Well, he was going through the same thing with you. He really thought you were dead."

"It happens."

"Not in his world."

Annoyed, Casey sat up straight in his chair. "Our world is his world now. I wish you people would finally realize that."

"Fine, I agree," she conceded, waving him off, "But what matters is what happened after. You saw that mess. He did that and I don't think he's fully processed that he did. It was slaughter."

"He_ did_ what he had to do."

Walker closed her eyes, pursed her lips, and shook her head in frustration. Her emotions on the matter were starting to surface. "One of them wasn't even armed and he used all his bullets, before somehow managing to get his hands on the other guy's gun."

He eyed her apprehensively. "We don't know that."

"Are you saying they shot each other?"

Casey went quiet. He knew Chuck was responsible for the bloodbath they found in that hall. As a man who killed for a living, he had no qualms about taking a life, but this killing was anything but the planned and neat gunfire of an assassin. It was death born out of fear. It was sloppy and brutal in nature.

"He was scared. He thought we were both dead and he was next."

Walker's jaw tightened. "No, he thought _you_ were dead. Me, I don't know." She leaned against the wall and pulled at the roots of her hair. "Do you think it's still safe to let him go on missions after this?"

"This is not a big deal," Casey assured her.

"Yes it is!"

Casey sneered in absolute amazement. "We kill for a living, Walker! How many lives have you taken? Me? Personally, I've lost count."

"This is different."

"No, it's not. They were the bad guys. Chuck did his job, was a man for once, and killed them."

Hell, he figured with yet two more down it made it easier for them to get away, even if one of the guys had been nothing more then a paper pusher.

Walker walked forward, plopped herself down on the footstool in front of him and stared at him, fury written in her eyes. "_One,_ it's not his job. And _two_, he lost control."

"Is that so? Are you going to report him?" Casey leaned forward and warned darkly, "Because you know what will happen if you do."

Walker's face went blank. "No… I can't." Her body relaxed now, but she looked rather sad.

Casey leaned back, feeling relief wash over him. "Good, because I don't want that blood on my hands."

"Could you… ever report him?"

Casey huffed, feeling astonished she'd even ask him after what he had just said. Still, he knew he couldn't do it either and this fact really bothered him. Rather then admit this, he changed the focus back onto her. "Why can't you?"

With a deep frown, Walker stared hard at her hands for a moment, taking the question very seriously. When she finally spoke, it was slow, analytical and with a hint of pain in her voice. "He was…" She rubbed her forehead and sighed. "In a strange way, he was protecting his own. I believe he did what he would have done had it been Ellie lying out there dead or even Morgan. I saw it in his eyes," she said, meeting Casey's own. "He did this because of _you._"

Casey chest tightened at her words. He felt unsettled, but he still sneered at her implications. "Don't be ridiculous. He did it to survive. It had _nothing_ to do with me."

Walker stared at him a moment. "Why do you think they'd make you do it?"

_Kill Chuck. _He wanted to play dumb, but he knew Walker wouldn't buy it. Instead, Casey looked away, shifting in discomfort. "Because they would," he muttered.

"That's not an answer. Why do you think they'd have you kill Chuck, Casey?"

He stubbornly didn't answer.

_"Tell me,"_ she demanded.

His eyes shot up in resentment. In that moment, Casey knew she understood completely.

**End of chapter 1  
**  
**Note:** This is my first Chuck fic. I'm planning on updating this fic once a week. Also, feedback= love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes:** Thanks you for everyone who reviewed. It means a lot. Also, thanks again to my beta ru_salki99.

* * *

The moment Sarah left, Chuck stripped back down and jumped into the shower. He stood there a long time, just letting the hot water run down his body, before he found the strength to wash himself up and drag himself back to his room.

It was only when he went to collapse onto his bed, that he noticed the sheets were gone. Sarah must have taken them. Sighing, Chuck considered the virtues of sheets and whether they were really needed, before giving in and putting a fresh set on. After he had finished, he plopped down on his bed, picked his cell phone up and took Sarah's advice, to hell with Buy More for the day. They could live without him. Besides, he really didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment.

After several minutes of being screamed at and threatened by Big Mike, Chuck shut his phone off and threw it on the bed stand beside him. In the last day, he had enough screaming to last him a life time.

But as he lay there, peace was not found. His mind began to wander back to his darkest possible thoughts; the fear, the heartbreak, the bloodshed of the night before. Chuck found himself curling into a ball, feeling sick to his stomach as the images came back to him. He saw the men's expressions as they knew they were about to die, just as their life drained from their faces. He saw his own face covered in their blood. He saw Casey lying still, in a pool of his own blood. His eyes were open, but nothing was there. He was cold and empty. This, Chuck found, was what bothered him most of all. He had never even seen that happen, yet it was the most vivid horror of them all. He knew it shouldn't still be haunting him like this.

Turning over, Chuck grabbed his pillow, rubbing his cheek against it for comfort. The ache in his chest wasn't going away. He lay there, remembering the feelings of loss, the notion that everything was his own fault, and the intangible regret that had echoed behind his each and every thought and action. He had felt like there was no one left and that he'd never be okay again because of it. It had been all about Casey. He had _killed_ because of those feelings. He had never imagined himself capable of that.

Getting up, he threw the pillow at his bed and began to pace the floor. He had killed. It wasn't the first time, but this time it had been personal. He could have tried harder to escape unseen or he could have surrendered, but those feelings; the loss, the rage, the regret. Tears ran down his face as he relived them now.

Why? Why had he felt that way? He didn't know. He cared for Casey. After knowing him for over two years, it was hard not too, but he also cared about Sarah. He _loved_ Sarah, yet somehow, he had forgotten she was even in the building. He had gotten so lost in what him and Casey had been doing, that thoughts of Sarah had been a million miles away. It had been just the two of them darting through halls, Casey upfront, checking for danger and him, following close behind. Casey had been going over the plan yet again and Chuck recalled smiling at how amped up the man had seemed.

The plan had changed, he knew that now. Sarah was supposed to have been by their side, but a few unaccounted for guards had changed that. Chuck had barely blinked as she disappeared from their sight. It had all become old hat for him, by now and looking back, Chuck realized, he had been having fun. It had been another outing for Chuck and his two best friends, just like it had been when it was Bryce, Jill and him, only with spy stuff.

_His best friends_… when had _that_ happened. Morgan's heart would break, if he heard his thoughts right now.

Sitting back down on his bed, Chuck rubbed his face.

Still, it's not like he ever would have run off with Bryce and forgotten about Jill. She had been his world; first and foremost on his mind. Chuck had been devastated when he had thought she and Bryce had ended up together. She had left his life crippled for nearly five years, before Sarah and Casey had walked into it, guns literally blazing.

Yet… the pain of losing Casey had been worse. Far worse and he had somehow forgotten Sarah, the woman he loved. The situation was so fucked up that Chuck couldn't even begin to comprehend it, yet he sat there and tried.

* * *

"What's he doing now?" Walker asked again, as Casey checked up on Chuck's status.

Casey gritted his teeth and turned away from the screen. "Crying into his pillow."

She glared at him. "You don't have to be such a heartless bastard about it."

"I'm not. I'm just telling you what you asked."

If he were being honest with her, he'd admit that it bothered him to see Chuck like that too. Still, he knew that the best thing he could do for Chuck right now, was to sit there and talk to Walker about the 'Bartowaki situation.'

Casey was still reeling from the fact that he had confessed to her about the General's former orders. Walker had been furious with him about it, but seemed relieved that he hadn't been able to carry through on them as well.

"Good," she had said. "Now I know you're just as… _compromised_ as me. I'm coming to think Chuck needs handlers, who care about him and not just what is stored in his brain. He has a big fight ahead."

Pointing his thumb at himself, he had snickered. "Compromised? You may be planning your next tryst with the boy, but I'm just trying to get through this mission with everyone alive. Understand?

Casey glared, hating the word. _Compromised_. He wasn't. He just thought there were better ways to handle Bartowaki then shooting his brains out.

"So what's the plan?" Walker asked, bringing him out of his ponderings and back to the earlier subject at hand.

Casey's eyes flashed back to the vulnerable figure on the screen. "Make him one of us," he said evenly.

Walker eyed him with a sense of weary. "Train him, yes, _maybe_… But all the way? Absolutely not. He wants a normal life."

Casey gave her a look of disgust. "It's all or nothing, here. They're not going to let him live if he just knows a couple of Judo moves. He needs to learn to take care of himself and besides, as a fellow agent, he'll be safe… er."

"He's not meant for _this_."'

"_What_ is he meant for then?" he growled through clenched teeth.

"Bryce didn't want this for Chuck and neither do I."

"Bryce," he huffed. "With you it always comes back to good old Romeo, doesn't it? Was he _really_ that good a lay? Worried Chuck won't be better?"

Her face flushed with anger. "That has nothing to do with this!"

Casey paced about the room before turning back to Walker.

"You know what I want for Chuck? I want him to stay alive. Simple; easy, if he puts some effort in, but he's not going to do that staying all shiny eyed and innocent."

"Don't you understand? That_ is_ Chuck! If he loses that, what else does he have left?"

"His life, his intelligence… _us_!"

Walker went quiet, her forehead furrowing at his words. Tilting her head, her blue eyes studied him.

"What?" he snapped.

"Nothing."

"No, I asked you, _what_?"

She opened and closed her mouth several times, before sighing and meeting his eyes again. She smiled and arched her eyebrow in her typically annoying fashion. "Let's make a deal."

Casey sneered, crossed his arms, and leaned against the wall, "Okay," he said airily. "I'm listening."

"We'll train him. Push him far as we can, _without_ taking his life away. Once I feel it's about to cross the line into something more, we'll talk again."

Casey gave a bitter laugh. "What the hell kind of deal is that?"

She shrugged.

Casey glowered and shook his head. "Forget it. I'll do it myself."

"And you think that Chuck and the General will thank you for this, at the end?"

"I'm not doing this for their thanks."

Her eyes gleamed angrily, with just a hint of knowing. "Oh no, you're doing it so you don't have to feel guilty about shooting Chuck."

Casey stared at her, stunned, though trying to hide that fact. His eyes drifted back to the surveillance feed, where he saw Chuck sitting at the edge of his bed, his head cradled in his hands and staring down at the floor.

He glanced back at Walker, "If we're playing let's make a deal, let's have one that will actually mean something," Casey paused until she nodded for him to go on, "Priority number one has always been keeping the Intersect… Bartowaki safe. That remains. We train him and hope it all goes well, but if it doesn't, we start paying a damn lot of attention to priority number two. It's one that even our own superiors won't know about. It's between you and me, got it?" Walker's expression was unreadable, but Casey took the risk and went on, "You're right. I don't want to shoot the boy. He doesn't deserve that, so… the deal is Chuck survives. Whether he's the Intersect or not, whether he's an agent or not, whether that is still our orders or not, he survives. No babying, no crying, we do what it takes. _Deal_?"

Her eyes went wide and when she spoke, her voice was strained, "That's a dangerous one, Casey; one that is _very_ unlike you."

Casey closed his eyes, not having the patience for this, "Deal or not, Walker?"

"You're talking going rogue?"

Casey cringed, "Absolute last resort. We don't even _think_ the word, unless we have to."

Walker let out a sigh as if she was taking a mental step back. After taking a few paces around the room, she turned to him again, "As I was saying, this is a _very_ serious deal. One that I'll only agree to if you just admit one thing to yourself… just one."

Casey rolled his eyes, "And what's that?"

She gave a coy smile, "That you're _just_ a compromised as I am."

Casey's face went red, "The hell I am," he snapped harshly.

"Think about it," she requested sincerely, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I'll know it, if you did, and if, in the end, you're still interested, we'll have a deal."

As she started towards the door, Casey felt his stomach take a plunge.

"You'd seriously let him die just because I didn't get in touch with my touchy feely side?" he spat out.

She arched her eyebrow, her eyes shining with laughter, "You've got one of those?"

Casey shrugged his shoulders and grunted.

"No," she admitted, concern written on her face, "I know why I'm doing this. I just want to make sure you understand why you're doing this."

"We already went over this. I don't want to kill Chuck."

"_Why_?"

Eyes flickering down, Casey frowned a moment, before turning his back to her and throwing himself into his chair. Disgruntled, he slumped down and waited for Walker to leave. When she did, with a soft 'Goodbye', it was a long time before he stirred again. He just sat there, seething over Walker and her 'be one with your feelings' girly ways.

_Was it possible that he just might be compromised? _

* * *

"Where are you going?"

Sighing, Chuck turned to see Casey standing in his doorway, glowering at him.

"To get something to eat," After hours of moping about and being very confused, Chuck was starving. It had been over a day since he'd last eaten anything and the house was 'empty'.

"Come in," Casey said, jerking his head back in a beckoning manner, "I'll make you something."

"Um…" Chuck began to fidget and glance around nervously. _Of all the times for Casey to suddenly become social_… Alone time with the man was the last thing he wanted right now. A day of thinking about him had just left Chuck even more utterly confused than before and that was saying something.

"Nah, I wanted to get out of the house so I figured I'd go get some Taco Bell or something."

Casey frowned and narrowed his eyes, "Fine, I'll come with you. Hold on a minute," He then disappeared back inside, before exiting a moment later, now wearing a light jacket over his t-shirt and holding his keys. After Casey locked his door, they walked silently to the man's car and got in.

It was only when they had pulled away that Chuck decided to comment, "I didn't take you as cheesy nachos, extra fixing type of guy."

Casey arched his eyebrow, "I'm not. You said 'or something'. That something is going to be edible," He eyed Chuck for a moment, before looking back at the road, "Sandwich?"

"Sure," Chuck replied with a shrug, not really caring.

The drive took longer then Chuck had expected. While it was maybe a half an hour total, it was enough that the suburbs that they rode through, turned into highway, and then became a quiet road, alongside stretches of beaches. The sun had even begun its daily descent. As they drove on, Chuck pressed the side of his face against the cool window and watched the scenery go by. It was oddly soothing to just take it all in and not care where they were going.

As it turned out, they ended up at some small café near the ocean. Much to Chuck's surprise, Casey chose to sit outside, on the patio that the quaint little eatery offered. It was Californian winter weather, and therefore, still lovely, but he never took Casey as the dining outdoors type. That is, unless a tent or a trek through some perilous war ridden country was involved.

After the waitress left with their order, they both sat there in silence.

"I didn't take you as a café sort of guy either."

With a frown, Casey gave an acknowledging jerk of his head, "It's somewhere quiet."

Chuck hummed in agreement, before sitting back in a lazy manner. He found contentment in staring at the water, all the while enjoying the breeze and calming sounds around him. Had things been different, Chuck might have even called this nice. After a while, he glanced over at his companion, whose own eyes had just darted away and towards the water. He suspected that Casey had been watching him, but a few minutes later, when he looked over again, Casey's eyes were still trained on the water.

Chuck found it strange that even when their overpriced sandwiches and coffee arrived, they continued to sit there in silence. He couldn't help but wonder why Casey had even bothered to come. He was the type of man who always had a purpose, so the situation was getting odd. Glancing up, Chuck noticed that Casey was now staring intently at him again.

"What's wrong?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

Casey's eyes dropped down to his plate and he picked up his roast beef sandwich, taking a bite, "Nothing," he muttered through the food, his eyes now back on Chuck.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm thinking."

Chuck pursed his lips, annoyed with the partial answers, "Good to know. Mind sharing?"

Casey sighed and wiped his hands on the napkin in front of him, before answering, "About something Walker said."

Chuck's body stilled, "About last night?" He took a clumsy nervous bite of his own sandwich, trying to be casual about the question.

"No…" Casey tilted his head in a thoughtful manner. "Not really. It's nothing you have to worry about… yet."

"Is it about what I did?"

Casey's eyes narrowed, "Don't beat yourself up over that, kid. You did what you had to do."

"Oh, now you're not pissed off at me any more?" Part of him wanted Casey to be angry with him. Furious even, because at the moment, the whole situation felt unreal to him and he needed something to prove that it had really happened.

Casey seemed to consider this a moment and shook his head, "We need to make sure you're prepared for next time, which-"

"There's not going to be a next time."

"With you and this line of work?" he huffed non-believingly, "How can there not be a next time?"

Chuck closed his eyes and licked the bottom of his lip, before glancing back up with dejected worn look, "I can if I refuse to fight back, let them kill me."

Casey's mouth went tight and he lunged forward, pointing his finger in Chuck's face, "You _never_ do that, you understand me?"

Chuck gave a slow blink and a half hearted shrug with a twisted smile. Last night was still weighting down on him and he was in no mood for pretending everything was okay.

"Now you get how I feel about how casual you and Sarah are about throwing your lives away… for me."

Casey gritted his teeth, staring at Chuck with bulging eyes, "That's different; stop being a complete idiot and comparing the two."

"I know, I know. I'm the Intersect. Irreplaceable until the next new shiny one comes along. Then you two will be off, being awesome spies and I'll be…" He shrugged his shoulders again, "Everybody's favorite computer repairman."

"What the hell is the matter with you? This is not _you_," he snapped. "I'm not going to let-"

Casey's face, which had been bright red moments before, drained of all color and became pale. He was now sitting stiffly, his jaw hanging open, seemingly in shock, and glancing down at the table with a vacant expression. If Chuck didn't know better, he'd think that Casey was going to be sick.

"Casey?" When the man didn't reply, Chuck tried again, "Casey? Buddy?" He waved his hand in front of his face as he started to become worried and frustrated, "Hey, John, you there?"

"Shut it or I'll make you!" he snapped, shoving his plate away from him in disgust.

Shrinking back a bit, Chuck glanced over. Casey was grumbling as he clearly struggled over something that had just happened. It was only when the man's blue eyes met his again, that Chuck understood.

The corners of his month twisted up in a restrained, though genuine smile. Casey sincerely cared about him, enough to be upset at the idea of him being hurt or worse. He may hate the fact, but he was feeling it. He watched as Casey started picking at his chips, becoming lost in his own thoughts. There was a baffled, yet extremely emotional expression that shone from his eyes and he noticed that Casey had a faint blush to his cheeks. Chuck's smile grew wider and as he continued to stare, feeling lightheaded and pleased. The big guy had a heart after all and he had wormed his way right into it. He continued smiling contently. That is until Casey's hazy eyes flickered back up. It was then the smile faded and his heart stopped. As the intense blue eyes met his, a surge of warmth ran throughout his body. Chuck groaned at the pleasure.

Quickly looking down, Chuck shrunk in on himself, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly gapping. He could feel his face burning. It was then it hit him. _No! No, no, no, no._ His mind swirled with shock._ When had he developed feelings for John Casey… Major John Casey, NSA spy, assassin, and extreme bad ass. _

Swallowing hard, Chuck dared another look at the man before him.

Casey looked annoyed or even pissed, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason," he said, trying to give his most reassuring goofy smile. He felt like he was dying inside as he did so, but it must have worked, because Casey glanced away.

Taking a few deep breaths, he began to panic. Suddenly, what happened the night before made perfect sense to him. He had fallen for Casey; hard. A million questions ran through his brain. What the hell did this mean? Was he gay? What about Sarah?

Wide eyed and shaking, Chuck just gaped. Sometimes, he hated his life.

Casey walked into his dark apartment and threw himself down into his lazy boy. Reaching into his jacket, he grabbed his cell phone and flipped it open. As he pushed speed dial, he waited with foreboding for her voice to come.

"Casey? Is everything alright?"

"We have a deal."

**End of chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Beta: **Once again much thanks to ru salki99 looking this over.

Hanging up the phone, Casey sighed, slumped down in his chair and laughed bitterly at himself. There was no denying it, he was screwed. The quiet dinner had been a test he set up for himself and he had failed. He was completely and utterly compromised, but worse still, he now knew why. He had fallen for the geek. Rubbing his brow, he cringed at the thought. He was now a walking spy clique.

What the hell was he going to do now? He knew that the harder he fought against this, the worse it would become. It was time to accept the facts and get on with things. It was still hard though. Chuck was one of the most honest, good natured people he knew. He wanted him. So much so that he was now walking straight into trouble and possible treason for the boy. Still, Chuck was off limits.

Getting up, he calmly checked the monitors, one last time for the night. Chuck was lying on his bed again, moping. _Honest, but moody,_ he amended. You'd think the boy had spent the last few months in a two by four foot cell with nothing other then a piss pot, for how he was acting. His eyes quickly moved away from that feed to the one for the living room. Ellie and her 'soon to be' husband were snuggled up on the couch, watching television. It looked to Casey as if 'Awesome' was asleep, while Ellie was sniffling over something on the screen. The rest of the household was secure and completely dark. No one was to be seen outside. _Good. _

As he walked about, flipping switches and pressing buttons on his favorite toy, he realized that this job would never be the same. It had been tainted by emotions. He cared about the person on the other end of that surveillance feed.

Emotions… It was the personal choices that had never been easy for Casey. It was the one area of his life he often met with hesitation and it usually took a swift kick in the ass for him to act on them. This time it had been Walker's 'figure it all out or else' demand.

He had been sitting there, just hours before, at the café contemplating that very thing, when he knew. He cared, deeply and just like always, it wasn't a half way. All or nothing. Staring at Chuck, as the boy gave into self pity, he felt fury. He wanted to smack him on the side of the head and tell him to get over it, but more surprisingly, wanted to make everything all right, to protect him. He'd rather be damned though than fall into Walker's 'just cover his eyes and fight his fight for him' mentality.

In that moment those words of weakness escaped his lips, he knew. It came to him in a flash of understanding. Walker was right. He wanted Chuck as a partner and in more than one way.

Damn feelings. He was stuck with them and there wasn't one thing he could do about it.

_Love. _He had tasted that emotion only twice before and sure as hell, neither time had been with a man, but this time, it was and in his typical form, he accepted that. He accepted this. It was just that he didn't want this as much as he really did. He hated the difficulty and consequences this presented, but he was human. Even someone like him craved to love and be loved.

The problem was he his chances of having those feelings returned were rather slim. Chuck worshipped Walker and even if he didn't, the boy had never shown any interest in men. For his part, he could at least say he had gone there, even if it had everything to do with sexual relief and nothing to do with gushy feelings.

No, this wasn't something he would act on and that was likely for the better. It was all fresh and strange and he still wasn't sure what to do with it, but what he did know was that indulging in it wasn't an option. He'd still devote himself to Chuck's well being and take comfort in the fact that somewhere in his job description that was appropriate.

If he ever experienced anything with Chuck, it would be the boy who made the choice, not the other way around. He had a job to do, both professionally and self appointed. Sure, if there was ever even a flicker of want in Chuck's eyes, he'd do more then just give in, he'd pursue it, heatedly, and if he knew himself well enough, obsessively. The boy wouldn't know what was coming for him, but until that moment, he'd leave Chuck as forbidden.

It was a good thing he was used to self denial.

He was always a mess when he fell in love. Like many people, it made him stupid, which was why he was better off never feeling the cursed emotion to begin with. There was no turning back now though. He was screwed, but as long as Chuck didn't want to be screwed in return, they'd make it through this. He'd make sure of that.

* * *

Chuck felt on edge much of the day. The car ride to work had been a silent and awkward one. Casey seemed to be in no mood to talk, which would have been fine by him, because he wasn't either, but that gave him time to think and thinking was causing problems. Some insane part of his brain kept insisting that Casey was able to read his mind. That he knew 'all' and was moments away from either laughing or strangling Chuck to death. After he caught Casey glancing at him with a strange glint in his eye, he decided that strangulation was the better way to go.

Work passed in a haze. It was filled with endless phone calls, Jeff and Lester's newest scheme and Casey seemingly around each and every corner. By lunch time, the paranoia had worn him down so much that he was dreading the meet up at Castle. When he walked in, Casey and Sarah were already there, sitting at one of the tables and talking angrily. The moment they noticed him though, that came to an end. Between the awkward silence and the glaring, Chuck was waiting for the crickets to start.

"I can leave," he said jokingly, though he hoped they'd take him up on the suggestion. "Let you guys get back to gossiping about the newest spy drama. Who's a double, who's lost their touch and who's screwing their partner senseless? Juicy stuff. I'll just go seek out the Buy More variety."

With an emphasizing finger point and a pivot of his toes, he went to leave, but both suddenly demanded, "Sit down!"

Sighing, he did just that. Leaning his hand against his chin, he waited for the almost daily meeting to begin.

"We've decided that it's time to train you," Casey said, getting straight to the point.

Surprised, Chuck glanced over at Sarah for confirmation.

"We'll take it easy at first," Sarah added. "You don't have to worry about it being more then you can handle. It will just be some physical training, at first and maybe a little self defense."

Casey turned his cold gaze to Sarah, "You need to take this seriously, Chuck. Don't expect us to force you every step of the way, push yourself. Demand we _both_ push you harder."

"What does that mean?"

His eyes slid over to Chuck now, "It means it's going to be hard. It means that if you're really willing to give yourself to this, you won't bitch every time we kick your ass. You'll get your self up and thank us for the ass kicking and understand it's for your own good."

"At the very least, we need to make sure you can handle yourself in a fight," Sarah added. "All right?"

"I guess."

"Good, but remember fighting is only for emergencies though. The old 'run if you can', still holds true."

Casey clenched his teeth, "Can we baby him just a little more? He might grow a spine if we don't steady his every step for him."

"This isn't about him growing a spine, it's about him surviving."

"And how is he going to do that if he can barely take care of himself!"

"I can still leave," he offered, thumbing his way towards the stairs.

"No," they both snapped. Sarah went on, "We might disagree on the reason for your training, but we both agree you need to be trained."

"Well, it seems to me neither of you care about what I think."

After a moment of silence, Casey gestured at him with frustration, "Okay, we are waiting for your precious opinion. Go on," His tone was shockingly non aggressive, despite his clear annoyance at the situation.

Chuck sighed, "I get it. I'm not dumb. I get why you guys are wanting me to do this now," He ran his hand threw his hair, "I fucked up. I lost it, but I really don't want to be trained to be a better… murderer."

"That's not what we're doing."

"And it wasn't murder," Casey insisted.

"Then what was it?" Chuck's eyes begged Casey to tell him.

"We were on a mission, it went bad. You did what had to."

Chuck's stomach clenched knowing that wasn't fully true, but how could he explain that to them? That he had killed those men out of guilt, messed up revenge… love. It wasn't possible.

Dejectedly, he shook his head, "I can't do this. I swear I'll stay in the car."

"Look-"

"Casey, we can't make him."

Casey swatted one hand towards Sarah to shut her up, while roughly grabbing Chuck's arm with his other. He looked him straight in the eyes. Chuck felt like those eyes were burning right through him, "The first few times are always hard-"

"I know," he said forcefully, before falling into a nervous laugh as he glanced at where Casey's hand was. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself and went on, "I know and it gets easier. Right?"

"No," He made a sour face and squeezed Chuck's arm slightly, before letting his hand drop to his lap, "Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes, what they expect you to take aim at breaks your heart, but 99% of the time you'll do it. You push the feelings down and do what is best for this country. I'm not asking that of you yet. That's my job. I'm asking you to make sure if it comes down to us versus them, you'll pull the trigger. That you're able to do so with some level of skill. We got your back and you got ours, alright?"

"That is not what this is about," Sarah interrupted, "We're not trying to make Chuck our partner. We've here to make sure Chuck can take care of himself, period."

The two agent's eyes met. Unspoken words of anger and warning went between them. Chuck was certain there was more going on than he was being told. He wondered if the consequences of this conversation were bigger then they were letting on.

"You guys are right. I can't always rely on dumb luck to get me through these missions." He looked to Casey earnestly, "As you said last night, I need to be ready for the next time something like that happens. I promise you, I will be. I'm not saying I won't whine, but when I do just yell at me and I'll stop."

Eyebrow raised, Sarah was eyeing Casey, "You boys have a talk that I need to know about?"

"It was nothing, just dinner between colleagues."

"Colleagues?" Sarah asked, not amused.

He smirked, "Ask anyone around here, who knows us and that's what they'd tell you, colleagues."

"Very funny."

"Anyway," Chuck interjected, feeling annoyed that their talking had interrupted his comments, "I said I'll do it."

They both smiled at him.

"Good. Excellent," Casey smile became larger, which caused Chuck to carefully take in the sight. It wasn't one he had seen often. He decided that he liked it.

"Chuck, I hope you don't mind, but Casey and I need to finish our talk from earlier. Why don't you go upstairs and get some yogurt and than we'll spend some 'boyfriend girlfriend' time together after we're finished?"

Chuck shrugged and went to go upstairs, but as he looked back he saw they were glaring at one another again. Making it to the top of the stairs he quickly opened the door, slammed it shut behind him, and ran over to the register. He didn't know why he did it. Spying on spies can never be a good thing, but something told him they were hiding something. He quickly typed in the code on the register touch screen allowing the feed for the Castle to appear. Sarah and Casey were sitting right were he left them, saying nothing. Still, the tension between them could be felt.

Keeping his eye on the screen, Chuck grabbed plastic spoon, stuck it in his mouth and went to serve himself out a cup of yogurt. This was his lunch after all. Chuck was in the middle of making a near prefect swirl in his cup, when it happened.

"What the hell was that?" Sarah said, waving her hand at Casey in frustration.

Arms crossed, Casey leaned back in his chair, "I was about to ask you the same thing. 'Maybe some self defense?'"

Distracted by Sarah's outburst and Casey's retort, the yogurt overflowed in the cup getting all over Chuck's hand. Hastily placing the cup on the counter, Chuck began to lick his hand, while watching what was happening on the screen.

"…scare him," Sarah finished.

Chuck had missed whatever she had been saying.

"Chuck's a big boy. A little effort won't break him. If anything, it will help him get his life together."

"He won't have much a life if you have your way."

Chuck now watched as Casey leaned forward, jabbing his finger at Sarah to get each of his points across, "He won't have a life, period, if you have yours! The games have to stop. Now. There is no time for them anymore. It's time to suck it up and do what we have to do."

"Passionate words from you Major Casey. You're really trying to be his knight in shining armor, aren't you?"

Casey scoffed. Getting up, he walked away from the table before returning moments later. Leaning both his hands flat on the table, he stared at Sarah, "I really don't understand you. It's always _you_ going on and on about the boy. 'Chuck is so brave', 'Chuck is so smart,' 'Chuck could rule the world with just a smile' and now you're acting like… _this_."

"Look at us, Casey! Do you really want Chuck to be like us? I know I don't."

They stared each another down again. Chuck was thinking they'd never talk when Casey's gruff voice came, "We start his training tomorrow."

Chuck watched as Casey walked off screen. Quickly going to turn off the camera feed, he found the touch screen not working due to his wet sticky hands. Panicking, he pushed the screen several times as hard as he could, before trying to wipe it off with the bottom of his shirt. He did manage to get it clean, but it was too late. He had been caught. Turning around, their eyes met and Chuck froze. With a pissed off expression, Casey took a few more quick steps forward and grabbed Chuck by the collar. He pulled him close, until they were face to face.

"Enjoying your yogurt, Chuck?" he growled.

He threw his hands up and gave his best puppy dog eyes, "I didn't mean to, it just happened."

Casey stared at him for a second, sighed and let him go. With an air of disappointment, he turned away from Chuck, "It always does with you."

Taking an unsure step forward, Chuck placed himself in Casey's sight again. He thought of placing a hand on the man's shoulder, but decided against it, "What's happening?"

Casey's jaw tightened. His hand twitched like he wanted to hit something.

"I know you guys are hiding something and I want to know what."

"Not here," Casey looked around the place, like it was being bugged by someone other than himself, "_Later._ Come on. Right now, we need to get back to work."

Chuck glanced to the door and then back to Casey, "I still have a half an hour left to my break and I told Sarah I'd stick around."

Casey's eyes narrowed on Chuck. In those moments, Chuck knew he was being judged and that he had failed. Casey just sneered and gave a grunt. Without another word, he walked out of the store.

Miserably, Chuck threw himself down in the chair. He had not only pissed Casey off, he had disappointed him as well. He had always hated doing that, but now it was a million times worse.

"Not hungry?"

Sarah had come up from the Castle and was eyeing him with concern.

"Na."

"Come on," she said as she started filling another cup with yogurt, "You have to eat something. Big day tomorrow."

She handed him the cup and went to get herself some as well. Chuck dipped his spoon in and out of the chemicals and sighed, "Why frozen yogurt?" he asked.

She turned to him, "What?"

Chuck gestured around him, "Why the Orange Orange?"

"Oh. When they were thinking of redoing this place for the Castle I asked them if they could get rid of the Wienerlicious. The sausage smell, remember?" She sat down at the table, across from him, took a bite of her yogurt and went on, "Besides, I was sick of burning myself and the food. Yogurt?" She shrugged her shoulders, "Easy and edible."

"Right," Chuck smiled, leaned back and ate a bit of Sarah's offering. Sitting there, saying nothing, he realized that there was something about this woman that had become so comforting.

* * *

It wasn't that he wanted Chuck to be like them. Casey figured that even as a spy, Chuck would never fully lose his idealism. There was something unbreakable about the guy. Even through all the ugliness, Casey knew Chuck would see some greater good; a reason to smile and laugh. Now, if he had a gun pointed to his head and he realized that he was about to die not only because his country could not be bothered, but because they wanted it that way, now that, Casey thought, would be different. That would devastate him moments before his death. He'd die knowing he had given all and had gotten nothing in return. Besides, it was just a waste.

He was busy thinking this over and re-pricing items when Chuck came back from lunch. He looked at the boy at the Nerd Herders desk and realized he'd have to tell him someday. Chuck knew something was wrong. Besides, it might be just what the boy needed to get himself into the training that lay ahead. Keeping one's life was a very motivating factor.

After finishing, he walked over to the Nerd Hard station. Standing there, he watched as Chuck chewed on his nails, his eyes wobbling around, unfocused. The boy looked deranged. Casey supposed he had too much on his mind with the training and all.

"Chuck," he said, trying to gain his attention.

"Hmm?" Chuck looked up confused, before jumping slightly at seeing him, "Hi," he squeaked.

Casey beckoned him over with the jerk of his head. Chuck scrambled to join him and he walked beside him, until they found a quiet corner where they could talk. Chuck stood across from him, arms crossed and looking very uncomfortable. Casey wondered if Walker had said something.

"What's wrong with you? You hit your head on something?"

He opened his mouth to say something, before opening and closing it again, "John? You've been in love, right?" Chuck gave a startled blink. Even he seemed shocked the words had slipped out of his mouth.

"What?" Casey sneered, feeling disgusted. The last thing he wanted to do was to deal with the Sarah and Chuck soap opera right now.

Chuck's eyes flickered up hopefully, "Love. I was just wondering…" He sighed and tilted his head down in defeat, "Forget it. I can't believe I even asked _you_ about _this._"

Casey gave a deep frown. _Well, that was a punch to the stomach,_ "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Unfortunately, the words didn't come out at angrily as he would have liked.

"Nothing! It's just… never mind."

"Twice…" He closed his eyes and corrected, "Three times. What about it?"

Chuck smiled brightly at his admission, "Ilsa right? How did you know?"

"That I was in love?"

"Yeah," Chuck said softly. He looked quite fetching as he blushed faintly.

Casey leaned towards him, giving a little 'indifferent' jerk of his head, "One day it just slaps you in the face and you know."

"How do you know when it's not love? When it's just an…"

"Infatuation? Obsession?" he helped.

Lips pursed, Chuck nodded solemnly.

Casey pushed down the urge to smile, "You don't. You look back later and realize."

Chuck sagged slightly at this response.

Casey looked him over, trying to understand what he was thinking, "Though the two aren't exclusive in my experience," They weren't, never in his case. They always went hand in hand in. Gazing at Chuck, Casey wondered how that would fair when his new 'obsession' didn't return his interest.

When Chuck still remained silent, he added, "What's this about?" Casey wondered if Chuck was starting to question his feelings for Walker. Maybe they fought over the training, "Did Walker do something to bother you?" He didn't know if he felt happy or upset at the thought.

"No!" he insisted, "It's nothing."

From the expression on his face, Casey could tell it was anything but nothing.

"Whatever she said, I want you to know one thing. This training is only going to be as effective as you allow it to be. You want to stay as an asset, I'll treat you as an asset. You'll get the kiddies course in self defense. But I'll let you know, that's all you're ever going to be. Push yourself hard and you'll have a hell lot more control over your own destiny."

Chuck nodded, "I'll give it my all, but I was also thinking… About what you and Sarah were talking about before, what did you mean-"

"Not now," Casey's eyes darted around the store. He doubted anyone was listening, but this was not the place to tell Chuck the real reason why he was being trained.

Chuck sighed, "Alright."

"Good, training starts tomorrow."

As he started walking away, Chuck grabbed his arm, "Be patient with me."

Casey looked him up and down, "It's never been my strong suit." When Chuck took his hand away and frowned, he added, "But I'll try."

**End of chapter 3**

Thanks for reading. :)


	4. Chapter 4

As Casey walked away, Chuck wondered what the future held for them. While he knew it should be the training that was first and foremost on his mind, it wasn't. His thoughts were stuck on figuring out what the hell he was feeling. Casey had been no help, but then he should have known better then to go to the possible love interest, in question, to try to sort ones feelings for them out. It had just sort of happened.

Seeing Morgan walk by, Chuck jogged to catch up with him. Maybe this attempt would be better. "Can we talk?"

Morgan smiled. "Sure, buddy. What do you need?"

Chuck lowered his voice. "Not here, it's private. Home Theater room?"

Morgan shrugged and followed Chuck in. Morgan plopped down, taking up most of the coach. Chuck sat next to him, stiffly, with his hands tucked between his legs.

"So what can I do for ya?"

"Errr… I don't know how to ask this."

"Come on. You can ask me anything."

"Alright… alright." Chuck blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair, before placing it back between his legs. "I can do this," he said more to himself then Morgan.

Morgan sat up a bit. "Geez, calm down. It's not like you're coming out to me or anything."

Chuck cringed causing Morgan's eyes to go wide and for his mouth to gape open.

"Have you ever…" Chuck took a deep breath and squeezed his hands together. Deciding he just needed to get this over with, he quickly spat out, "Have you ever thought about another man… romantically?" He looked over to Morgan with a slight plea in his eyes.

Morgan stuttered for a moment, before he swung his legs off the couch and sat up correctly. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

Morgan face went blank for a moment, but Chuck could tell his mind was whirling away.

"Look if this is about me, I have Anna and I'm _really_ fond of Anna-".

Rubbing his forehead, Chuck closed his eyes and groaned, "Morgan."

"She's pretty, and female, and for some reason puts up with my shit-"

"_Morgan."_

"And no one has ever done that before. But if you were a chick, I'd be first in line. Seriously, right there for you-"

"Morgan, enough!" Chuck snapped one more time, before leaning over and grabbing Morgan's arm. "I'm not talking about you." He knew Morgan was just being Morgan, but he was starting to get angry.

"You're not?"

Chuck shook his head. "_No, _I'm not."

"Okay. Good." Morgan blew out a breath, than smiled, relaxing a bit. "So… the Chuckster has a crush on a guy dude. Who is it?"

"I don't know if it's a crush… okay it is, but-" Chuck looked to Morgan pleadingly to understand. He didn't. "It… it just wasn't expected… to happen… at all."

"Love never is," Morgan said, like he was spouting deep and meaningful poetry. "Did you think when I met Anna I knew she would be my dream girl? No, I didn't. But, now I'm getting laid several times a week and I'm very happy." He smiled at Chuck as if it was simple as that.

Chuck returned his own uneasy smile.

"So,_ come on, _who is it?"

"Casey."

Morgan's eyes bulged. "Casey, as in John Casey, everyone's favorite scary dude?"

"Yeah."

"Woah, talk about jumping into the deep end. Couldn't you get a starter crush first? Someone, who wouldn't twist your head off?"

"Morgan…" he said warningly. "It's not the sort of thing you choose."

"I mean, now it makes sense. Clearly, it wasn't me because I'm not your type. You like the silent angry type, the type that will certainly kill you if he finds out."

"He won't kill me." _I hope. _

"He won't give you roses either!"

Chuck smirked and leaned towards Morgan. "He gave me a rose once."

Morgan's eyebrows shot up. "Seriously?"

"Um, yeah, but it wasn't for me. He gave it to me to give to someone else."

"Very romantic of him." Morgan said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Chuck sighed. "This isn't what I wanted to talk about. I know I don't have a chance. I just wanted to know…" Chuck rubbed the back of his head. "I mean, a few days ago if you asked me, I would have told you I was straight. Now, I'm not so sure."

"Does it matter either way?"

"No… but yes. I'd like to at least know if I'm straight, bi or gay or whatever." Chuck's brow furrowed. "Is that really too much to ask?"

"Guess not. Have you…" Morgan made an obscene motion with his hand.

Chuck stilled. "Morgan, what are you doing?"

"Ya know. If you like him, have you wacked off thinking about doing the man love thing with him?"

Chuck blushed and started fidgeting. "No."

Morgan looked relieved. "Maybe you're straight then. Maybe, it's just that on the man love scale he comes right after me," he suggested hopefully.

Chuck sighed again. "I'm not so sure about that."

"If he doesn't give you the tingles, I don't see how it's a crush."

"_He does,_ I just haven't… you/i know. Anyway, it's not just about sex, it's more than that. I think I'm in love with him."

Morgan suddenly looked very worried. "Um… Chuck, I have a question?"

"Yeah?"

"Sarah?"

"Sarah," he repeated back airily.

"Yeah, Sarah, the person you're supposed be in love with?"

Slumping forward, Chuck clenched his stomach and stared towards the floor. "I don't know. God, I wish I did, but I don't. I'm so confused." Tears were starting to brim in his eyes, so he angrily wiped them away. "It's not like Sarah doesn't turn me on. She does."

"How could she not?"

"She's so beautiful and I love her."

"But-"

"Suddenly, I can't get him out of my head."

They were both quiet for a moment. Laughing, Chuck tried to cover up his pain, "Maybe it's one of those things, you know? Like how guys have wet dreams about other guys? It doesn't mean anything."

"Errr… Chuck."

Not liking his tone, Chuck frowned and pointed at Morgan. "They don't. All the scientists say they don't, so they don't.

"How often does that happen for you?"

"About guys?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Never counted, but it happens to everyone." He looked to Morgan for conformation and saw a blank stare. "…Right?"

Morgan cringed and looked at Chuck with apology written in his eyes. It was then it hit him.

"Are you saying I'm gay?"

Morgan threw his hands up. "I'm not saying anything. No way am I going to be the one that figures out what gets you off. But… Chuck, so many times that you lost count? It's only happened to me once and I was 14." He scrunched his face up, "And then there was that weird dream I had about Mr. Baker. He just spanked me and it really wasn't one of the wet variety, so I'm not sure it counts."

"Woah, first off, too much information. Second? Mr. Baker! Ewww."

Morgan looked offended. "Like John is any better?"

"He is!"

Morgan threw his hands up in defense before frowning and looking sorry for him again.

Chuck slumped. "How could I have not known? I'm 27 for God's sake."

Morgan voice went quiet. "Tom's father only came out as gay last year and he's way older." He frowned. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but give 'it' a try."

"It?" Chuck said, repeating Morgan's earlier action.

Morgan tilted his head in concession. "Then maybe you'll know whether… that's your thing or not."

"And if it is?"

"It is," he shrugged sadly, "And we'll figure out where to go from there."

Chuck laid back feeling some relief. Next time someone asked him why he was still friends with Morgan, he'd remember this moment.

* * *

Chuck went home that night with plans of doing just want Morgan suggested. 'It.' He had done 'it' countless times before, so he figured once more wasn't a big deal. The only problem it caused was that he blushed guiltily and stuttered foolishly every time Casey so much as looked his way. By the time work was over and Casey went into his apartment and Chuck his, Casey had been glaring at Chuck with almost outright contempt. That wasn't the best mood starter, but he'd give it a try anyway.

After a late dinner, he talked his way out of a movie with Ellie and 'Awesome'. It hadn't been easy though. Ellie had watched the same movie the night before and was insisting on watching it again, because Devon had fallen asleep the first time. Supposedly, it was so 'life affirming' they both had to see it. He made his excuses though, leaving a very put out Devon in his wake. He headed off to his room as 'Awesome' went on about being abandoned by his 'little bro.'

He didn't jump straight into bed. He wasn't ready for that. Instead, he walked around his room, he chatted on IM with Morgan, and he worked on his newest mix tape, which had the running title _Confusion & Casey: 2010._ He figured he'd come up with a better title later.

A long time passed. So long that even the movie was over and Ellie and Devon had headed for bed.

As he shuffled about his room, he tried to figure out how to start. When he looked at Sarah it was often like watching a gorgeous model in slowmo; all limber, perfect, windblown and sultry. He tried to picture Casey like that and ended up laughing nervously. It just wasn't Casey and the idea of him acting like that didn't turn Chuck on at all. Maybe that was a good thing, he told himself. Maybe it meant he didn't have to deal with a sexual identity crisis after all. But no… something in Chuck's chest was telling him otherwise, so facing the music, he took his clothing off and slipped into bed.

Arranging the blankets around him, he lay there stiffly, in the darkness, and tried to picture Casey. He started with his face. It was easy enough. It was a face he saw every damn day. He hesitated at what to do next. Feeling ridiculous, he let out a deep sigh, spat on his hand, and dropped it down, grabbing himself. As he took a few rough strokes, he thought of nothing, before allowing the images to flood in. Casey.

* * *

Casey contemplated the video for a moment and then decided against it. This wasn't the first, tenth or even twentieth time he had heard Chuck indulge in self love, but this time it felt different. He felt dirty as is, but watching would be crossing the line. In the past when his body reacted, it was just something he could overlook as a normal reaction. Not this time. As the uncomfortable pressure built in his groin, he cursed himself. This was exactly why falling for an asset was such a bad idea. He felt bad listening, but to not listen was to not do his job. So he sat there, listening.

Chuck was really into it tonight, grunting and breathing erratically. "Ah, want_ you… _more than anything. _You_…. Love_ you,_" he mumbled to himself insistently.

Casey's eyelids tumble closed at the words. Leave it to the boy to make it all mushy.  
His hand rubbed his against thigh roughly as his fingers twitched with want of touching. He felt just as turned on as sick to his stomach at the breathy admissions. Chuck was probably thinking about fucking Walker; pretty, blonde, cold as ice Walker. He hates her in that moment. All she had to do was glance his way and Chuck would be sitting on her lap like an obedient and very eager puppy.

Casey's eyes widened It must be one hell of a fantasy. He heard the boy thrashing against the sheets, nearly whining with want of relief. Walker must be doing back flips and pole dances; giving him the blowjob of a lifetime.

The darkness started to seep into his chest. _Jealousy. _With every new groan its burn continued to grow. He wanted to be the one; the only one. He wanted to give Chuck those feelings; to make him scream, to make him... _God, _the boy was begging now in soft whimpers and he wants that as well. He pictures Chuck's face flushed, his dark eyes looking up at him with longing. He's begging.

His hand finally slips between his legs at the thought.

He finds no relief though. Chuck comes with a loud, aggressive grunt. Taking his own shuttering breath, he scrunched his eyes and pictured Chuck's head thrown back in pleasure as he thrusts into his hand, coming. Biting his lip, Casey pushes his desire down. He can't allow this to go too far.

"Oh god."

Casey's eyes pop open. His heart has stopped at Chuck's words. There was nothing pleasurable about them. Even with the jealous lustful haze he was in, he can hear the words are filled with horror and heartbreak.

When the crying begins, Casey sits there a long time, still listening.

"Why?" he lets out in pain, before the sounds become muffled.

Casey pictures him crying into a pillow. His body is tense. He doesn't know what to think or feel. He doesn't know how to act.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," he hears Chuck whisper to himself. The boy acts like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he doesn't know what to do.

Then neither does he.

Eventually, the crying stops.

Chuck's asleep. Casey keeps listening. From time to time, the boy still mummers; even now, whatever is haunting him is not letting go of its hold.

Casey feels completely numb. Walker is breaking the boy's heart. Anger now joins his jealousy. She'd never walk away from this life for Chuck, yet she wouldn't allow Chuck into it either. Casey knows that. She cares, but not enough. Him, he doesn't know. He's not sure, but he'd never leave Chuck like_ this. _

As the clock tics past midnight, Casey finally takes his headphones off and goes up to bed. Deciding, for the moment, that this new day is his own and not the jobs, he takes his robe and boxers off and climbs into bed. Laying there a moment, he allows the night to seep into him. He looks over to his bedside clock. It's getting late. He knows what he is going to do, so he might as well get down to it and just do it. After warming up a generous amount of lotion between his hands, he lowers one. With his cock in his hand, he closes his eyes and mentally slips back into the hour before.

Only this time, Chuck is his, eager and begging for attention. They lay there fully clothed together in Casey's bed. He's flat on his back and Chuck straddles him, running his hand down Casey's chest in playful anticipation. He smiles. Chuck's brown eyes gaze at him, wide and innocent. Chuck's hair is disheveled, his face flushed and he looks so good. Casey grabs his loosened tie and drags him down for a crushing kiss. It's hot and forceful. Their tongues entwine as they explore. Squirming in his lap, Chuck rubs against him. Even threw their pants, he feels the boy's heat and hardness. He craves more. Grabbing Chuck's ass, he jerks up and he grinds against him. They both moan into the kiss.

Breaking for air, Chuck pulls away, before collapsing down to the crevice of his neck. Casey can feel his excited breathe just as he can 'feel' that Chuck is grinning madly. "You want this almost as much as I do," he teases.

Groaning, Casey's eyes flutter shut at the thought. Running his fingers threw Chuck's dark curls, he moans as Chuck's soft lips kiss his neck. It's tender and perfect. Chuck laughs knowingly. He likes the sound, just as he likes how Chuck starts to nip and lick him along his jaw.

Pulling away slightly, Chuck's lips now hover over his own. His tongue darts out swiping the boys lips playfully. Their eyes meet, brown eyes searching his blue ones. There is something there; something between them and Casey feels another rush of excitement. With a gentle kiss, Chuck nips his lip once last time and pulls away. Sitting back up, the boy braces himself with one hand, while slowly running the other down his chest. Chuck gazes down at him, his eyes sparkle darkly. Casey grunts with satisfaction. He wants him.

Wasting no more time, Casey tears at Chuck's shirt, trying to get it off. Chuck takes the 'hint'. Their clothing is gone in moments, ripped away and scattered to the floor. Casey roles Chuck over, leaving him sprawled out on the bed. Chuck is so beautiful and perfect and his, completely his.

After giving him a quick hard kiss on the lips, Casey crawls down between Chuck's legs. The boy is hot and ready. Making sure that Chuck is watching, he grabs hold and runs his thumb over the length, before taking a sweep at it with his tongue. The boy jerks in reaction. He smiles once, before wrapping his lips around the tip of the head. He sucks lightly, while petting Chuck's curls.

"Ah, John," he breathes.

Loving the reaction, he continues to tease and touch. He's exploring what he wants so badly.

Grabbing hold of his hair, Chuck nudges him forward slightly. "_More."_

Encircling the base with his fingers, he starts to stroke the length. As he does so, he takes Chuck in and bobs his head up and down. With the other hand, he pets Chuck's stomach, tracing his fingers down that line of hair, which drips down to what he is enjoying below. He can already feel the quakes in Chuck beginning.

Pulling back, he cups Chuck's balls, rolling them with his fingers and tugging them gently. Dropping his month down, he runs his tongue over them, before taking them into his mouth. This time it's him who groans in pleasure.

"Leg's wider," he whispers.

Chuck does as he asks. Using the moisture from their activity, Casey's fingers drop down. He teases his entrance, circling it, before dipping in. Chuck bucks. He probes deeper, working his way in. His eyes flicker up to see Chuck's head thrown back and his eyes closed. He twists his finger about for a bit, before adding another. He knew the boy would be noisy in bed. He hums and smiles and continues to prepare his boy. Chuck likes it. Chuck likes him.

Pulling away, they rearrange themselves on the bed. Chuck is on his hands and knees, gazing back and wagging his ass playfully. "Come on," he begs, his eyes wild and eager.

Casey applies. Grabbing his hips, he braces himself against the boy's entrance. Slowly, he pushes in. Casey groans. Chuck is tight and warm; so perfect and completely his. As he finds his pace, he explores Chuck body, running his hands over the smooth skin of his shoulders and back. Leaning over, he runs his hands down Chuck's abs, before they find there way down to his swollen member. Chuck grunts in approval as he tightens his grip around it.

As he jerks him off, Casey nibbles at his shoulder, before Chuck drags his head down for a lingering kiss. It's sweet, demanding, and screams 'mine'. Chuck's body writhes under his own now, hot and sweaty as he pushes back meeting Casey's thrusts. When he gazes back, Casey sees that his eyes are hazy with lust and his lips are swollen and wet from attention.

"Ah, want _you,_" Chuck mummers. "More than anything. _You_…. love _you."_

Casey's hands tighten. He grits his teeth and picks up pace. Casey's breaths are hard and short now. He's about to come and Chuck is about to come too. When they do, it's together and explosive.

They collapse down in their satisfaction. There bodies are still tangled together. When he gazes at Chuck, there are no tears. His boy smiles and everything is alright.

Casey sighs. He opens his eyes, he finds darkness. Reaching over, he gets a tissue from his bedside and cleans up the mess he made. When finished, he turns over, settles into his pillow and falls into a sound sleep.

**End of Chapter 4**

Note: No lube was used in this production. Given the fact it was Casey's fantasy, I can't be blamed. *wink*

Chuck ended up being a bit playful in Casey's fantasy as well. He just insisted upon it. I guess for all his talk, Casey does like his Chuck with a bit of an innocent sweet streak. Hehe

**Also, and I hate to say this, but my computer died on me. I lost over 30 pages of this fic. It might mean the chapter next week is delayed. It will depend on whether I feel inspired enough to rewrite or not. **


	5. Chapter 5

Training started, and it wasn't what Chuck had expected. It felt very little like spy training, and everything like the physical training in those men's magazines that he had ignored for so long. He figured that Sarah and Casey had to know what they were doing, though, so he remained quiet.

The first day had nearly killed him. As a lifelong nerd, he was used to the short 'run for your life' excursions, but endurance, it turned out, was a bitch. Sarah had warned him to take it easy at first, but no, he hadn't listened. He just had to try to impress. After about ten minutes, he had stopped, dropped down on someone's lawn, and chugged down an entire bottle of water in one go. He then glanced up at them, daring them to make him move, like some two year old throwing a tantrum. It wasn't his best moment. Casey had just dragged him back up by his t-shirt, shoved his own bottle at him and kept pushing him in the back until he was running again.

They had gone much slower after that. Still, the run felt like it had gone on forever.

When they had returned to the courtyard, Chuck had stumbled over to the fountain, collapsed down on to the pavement and stuck his head into the 'not nearly as cool as he was hoping for' water. When he had surfaced, his face dripping with water, he noticed that Casey was staring at him with an amused expression. The man then shook his head and just started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Chuck asked dumbly.

"To bathe as most people do, inside. Though your way explains a lot."

Chuck gaped. "What the hell does that mean?" He looked over to Sarah, who was just standing there, covering her month and laughing. Chuck sniffed his clothing and regretted the choice. He had just run, god knows how many miles, so mistake didn't even begin to cover it. Still, Casey was _not_ implying that he smelled. _Right?_

The next day he had shown up, determined not to make the same mistakes again. He never got the chance. That day, they told him, was weight training day. They walked into Casey's apartment and into a side room that Chuck had never seen before.

Casey's apartment, which had two floors, was double the size of the one he shared with Ellie and Awesome. Once you added in all of Casey's little 'extras,' you had one hell of a house, and he had yet to even see the second floor. Who knew what someone like Casey would have up there?

"How does anyone believe you have_ this_ house on a Buy More salary?"

Casey huffed. "Inheritance. Plus a pension for serving in our great and mighty military." He leaned in with a sneer. "Not that anyone but you has asked. You see, my book club members keep their noses to themselves."

"Right," he dragged out, getting the picture that Casey thought him stupid. Of course, no one but him and Sarah had seen the inside of this place and anyone who did come in would just see a nice stylish home.

The room they were in was fully matted. Most of the area was clear, but for one corner that had a mass of contraptions, all of which Chuck recalled from his school days. Torture machines, the whole lot. Along one wall was a stand filled with rows of barbells, and next to that was an old fashioned steamer trunk. Nearby, a mirror half the size of the room covered the wall. As the image of Casey working out flashed into his mind, he blushed and turned away, only to be greeted with an eyeful of the man himself. So that was how Casey stayed in shape.

As he stared at Casey's muscled form through his too- tight t-shirt, Chuck just bit his lip and closed his eyes. Some tortures were far worse then others. He was now ready to start focusing on those contraptions -- anything to keep his mind from going to where it was traveling.

That day they showed him his routine. They explained to him that ideally the weight training and running would be combined into one daily workout, with him just changing which muscle groups he used daily. They gave him one week to get used to both, before doing just that. Chuck had thought he had entered some strange new hell when he had been 'blessed' with that advancement. He just wanted to go back to the days when the only muscles he used were the ones required to play _Call of Duty._

But Sarah said he was doing well. Chuck felt pride at her compliments, craved them and even, at times, showed off a bit to get them.

Casey said nothing. He was distant these days. Chuck was certain he had done something to upset the man, but nothing came to mind. He was certain that Casey hadn't figured out his 'little secret.' He just didn't seem himself, though.

Or maybe it was just that Chuck was paying more attention to Casey these days. That one night, lying in bed and fantasizing about Casey, touching himself as he did so, had been enough to convince himself that his feelings were sincere. He wanted him, maybe even loved him, but at the moment he wasn't so sure if he even knew what love was.

While he could accept being attracted to both men and women, he couldn't accept being in love with two people at the same time. It went against everything he viewed love to be. So he searched himself. Which was the real thing, if either? Did it matter? Casey was off limits anyway.

Still, his mind kept going back to the man and Sarah too. They both were now the stars of his little fantasies. One night he had even felt adventurous and tried to fantasize about being with them both. It hadn't worked. He had just been left with a headache. He decided he was a simple guy, who at the end of the day just wanted one person in his bed. So as far as his daydreams went, the two would have to take turns.

Not that his fantasies of the two were anything alike. They were so different Chuck didn't even know where to start. Sarah was the slow strip. She was airy kisses and satin and lace. She was looks of longing through half closed eyelids. Sarah played his perfect little sex kitten.

Casey was aggression. He was a hot tryst against the wall. Dirty words whispered in his ear. He was hands groping and tongues entwining. It was hard, it was passionate, it was consuming.

What they both were, though, was love. In Chuck's fantasies, they both loved him. Sarah always told him so. It was a sweet admission between soft kisses. Casey rarely told him, but it was in his every action. Each touch and each glance burned with it and sometimes, just sometimes, he'd tell Chuck so in a rough whisper.

Out of the haze of indulgence Chuck felt an odd guilt over thinking about and desiring both.

Morgan was his one constant during these weeks. Now that he was indeed the only one in on Chuck's secret, he wanted to talk about it… a lot. The first time Morgan had tried to talk to him about it in his room, Chuck had nearly jumped on top of him to shut him up. Morgan didn't get that his room was likely the least private place in the universe and there was no way he could tell him. Still, he had gotten Morgan to agree, much to his confusion, to only talk about this when they were not in his room. The Buy More was bugged, but still was a hell lot more private then his bedroom was.

Unfortunately, Morgan managed to fulfill every bad stereotype of a best friend trying to deal with his friend's coming out. He made the lame jokes, asked him what he thought when the girls at the store thought some guy was a 'hottie,' and then there were the articles. Though, Chuck supposed, the articles were uniquely Morgan.

The first time Morgan had given him one, he had nearly choked to death with the shock. All printed up from the internet, it was a 'helpful' article dealing with being confused over one's sexuality.

Chuck hadn't known what to say other than, "Why?"

"Because you're a Stanford man, a brain. I figured you'd want to do research."

Chuck figured that made sense somewhere in Morgan's brain, so he had accepted it with a strained smile and a 'thanks'.

Morgan had glowed at his reaction. "No problem, buddy. You've always helped me, and now it's time for me to help you."

In the following weeks many other articles followed in Morgan's quest to be helpful, none of which solved any of his problems over Casey and Sarah.

* * *

_Where the hell where they?_

Casey darted through the hallway of yet another office building on yet another mission gone wrong. He wondered if missions had been this disastrous, terrifying and exciting before Chuck had come along. It didn't matter, he supposed, they almost always got the job done. But this one was being a particular bitch.

Last he had seen of them, Chuck was being dragged off by two of the target's lackeys. It didn't matter that they were only lackeys, they were mean-as-fuck lackeys and he didn't like the idea of Chuck in their grasp. Walker had been right on their heels and dodging the bullets that were coming her way.

Casey had taken it upon himself to chase after the target, and, more importantly, the information they were here for. Taking care of his problem with a few scary threats and punches, the man revealed the location of the important intel they were after. This man, Miller, was nothing without the protection he paid so highly for.

He debated a moment on whether to try to bring the man in for further questioning, but this was supposed to be a clean 'gather and get out' mission. They weren't about to get any help in dealing with this situation. Officially, they weren't even supposed to be here. Knowing he could either stay here and 'play guard the prisoner' or track down his team, he made his choice. Grabbing the man by the face, he looked him in the eyes and questioned him one last time, making sure the words he had spoken were the truth. Deciding they were, he got up from his crouch and ended the problem with an efficient bullet to the head. He then headed back to help Walker with her end of the problem. To make sure Chuck was safe.

Entering yet another hallway, he released a small puff of air in relief. One of the lackeys was down. The man was lying on his face, in a pool of his own blood. Casey smiled at what that meant. One down, one to go. Odds were now in his and Walker's favor.

Stepping over the body, Casey looked into the room it was nearby. He stopped.

_Chuck… Walker._ They were both on the ground, their arms around one another. The body of the other lackey lay dead nearby. Chuck was whispering to her, as she stoked his face. Leaning in, Chuck gave her a kiss. As their lips touched, Casey stood there frozen. The burn of jealousy coursed through his body. This was payment for his falling for Chuck. This was payment for everything bad he had ever done. He stood there accepting his punishment; accepting the way his heart pounded and his gut ached.

That was until the kiss deepened and Chuck groaned in response. Without him meaning to, a pained sound escaped his lips. They broke apart, both looking at him wide eyed and shocked. Pushing Chuck away, Walker quickly rose. Lips open, Chuck looked up towards her, before his sad eyes went to him. As Chuck's hurt and confused eyes turned back to Walker, Casey knew what had been started. He was burning with jealousy and it would never go out.

* * *

The next day, they met in the courtyard as nothing had happened. Sarah was strangely late and Casey stood there, completely ignoring him, other then saying that Walker had ten minutes to get her pampered ass here or they were starting without her.

Chuck was certain that Casey was angry with him and Sarah for what happened the night before. He had never commented on it, but it had been obvious in his expression. When Sarah had tried to explain, he had just thrown his hand up at her and walked out of the room. It had taken a few moments, but he had popped his head back in telling them to get a move on. He had the info they needed and they were just wasting time now. He started to leave again and they had quickly followed. The ride back had been deadly silent.

Chuck wasn't sure why Casey had been so furious, but he did suppose what they had done had been irresponsible, given what a dangerous situation they had been in. Chuck had just been horribly embarrassed that he had been caught kissing one love interest by the other. After the initial episode, Sarah seemed to be ignoring the whole situation together. When Chuck had asked to talk to her about it afterwards, she had greeted the request with silence and now she was late.

Chuck was humming with impatience when she finally arrived.

"Alright, let's get going!" Sarah said brightly with a smile. As if today were like any other, she bent down to start her stretches.

"This is bullshit."

She stopped and stood back up straight. "Casey-"

"No. We're wasting our time! And I'm not just talking about you being late, Walker."

"He's doing fine," she warned.

"Yeah, when the Boston marathon comes up he'll be more then ready, but until then…"

Chuck flinched at the hardness in Casey's tone. "I'm trying my best."

The sigh Casey gave the only indication that he had heard him. He walked up to Sarah and spoke to her in a harsh, but low voice. "What happened the last night could have been avoided if we had been training him right."

"We don't know that. It could have made things worse, it could have made no difference at all. It's better not to push him into a life he can't handle it."

Chuck's jaw hardened at her words.

He was about to object when Casey spat out, "He's going to end up dead and it will be our fault."

"Stop saying that!" Chuck's head spun with the anger he was feeling at both of them.

"See, you're freaking him out."

As one of their neighbors poked their head out through their window, Casey pushed them both towards his door. "This is not the place or time for this. _My _fault, but I just want to say, I'm telling it like it is, Walker and it's time you do the same!"

There was an uncharacteristic pleading expression in Casey's eyes. Sarah took a step back. Her head was tilted, eyes blazing with confusion as she studied him. Chuck realized that she didn't seem to understand what was going through Casey's mind anymore than he did.

Chuck forced himself into Casey's field of vision. "What the hell is going on? Not only have you two been at each other's throats, you guys have been hiding something from me, and I want to know what."

"It's nothing you have to worry about, Chuck."

"No,_ now_. I'm tried tired of both of you."

Casey narrowed his eyes. "You want answers?"

As Walker said 'no', he said, "Yes!"

"Are you ready to be _accountable_ for knowing those answers?"

Sarah clicked her tongue and turned away in frustration.

Chuck paused before answering, "Yes."

"Tonight. Come over and I'll give you your answers. I'm not doing this here. We've got work in an hour and the last thing a conversation like this needs is to be rushed."

Chuck let out a breath. "Alright, tonight." He looked over to Walker who was now giving him the cold shoulder. He turned his attention back to Casey, who licking his lower lip and gazing at him in a curious manner.

Casey blinked suddenly before ending the conversation, "Fine, it's time to get our asses moving. We should at least do something productive this morning."

* * *

There was far too much on Chuck's mind all day. The scene in the courtyard kept playing over and over in his head. It was the graphic car wreck or embarrassing moment you just couldn't stop picturing. And no matter how much as he tried to figure those two out, nothing came from it. Casey and Sarah had both been acting strangely for nearly three weeks now. Since the incident, he realized. He had allowed his confused feelings and guilt to get in the way of this fact and this morning, it had come back to bite him in the ass._ Big time. _At least, now he was getting some answers.

Still, as much as that all bugged him, Sarah's avoidance of what happened the night before kept creeping back. He felt as though if he got some answer out of her and knew where they stood, he could place the Casey 'thing' behind him and face whatever lay ahead, tonight, with a clear focus.

It was with that mission in mind that Chuck went over to Sarah's after work. He'd get his answers from Casey. Hell, he could even demand them from Sarah, but now he needed answers of another sort from her. The sort he searched for were of a more intimate nature. His life was such a mess these days. First, the incident and his falling for Casey, then their great secret and now the kiss Sarah was choosing to ignore. He had had enough.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked. As she opened the door, the breath hissed out in defeat. Any less clothing and she would be naked. _Great_, he thought._ Like he needed another distraction_. Sometimes, he swore she did this on purpose.

Focusing his eyes a bit over her head so he wouldn't gawk, he asked, "Can we talk?"

She arched her eyebrow. "You've already talked to Casey?"

"Not yet. But that is not why I'm here. I wanted to talk to you first."

"Come in." Chuck could hear the reluctance in her tone, but she stepped aside.

Chuck sat down and watched as Sarah slipped into her bedroom. It took a moment, but when she returned she was wearing a robe.

"The other night-" he started.

"Chuck-" She warned.

"No, look, Sarah. I'm tired of this. It keeps happening and we never really deal with it." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm crazy about you. I want you. You know that. I think I'm in love with you."

"_Think_?"

Chuck pursed his lips in annoyance. "It's hard to tell when it never gets beyond a kiss here or there. I want a relationship, a real one." Feeling a rant coming on he told himself to focus. "I don't want to fight. I just need to know you want this too. If you do, I'll wait."

"That'd not be fair, to either of us."

"But it would be worth it, right?"

When Sarah didn't reply, Chuck's heart sank. He decided to give it one last try anyway. "Is anything ever going to happen between us or not? I need to know right now."

Sarah made a sour face. "You know it's complicated."

"You always say that. I'm starting to think it's never going to be less complicated. Yes or no? Please?" he begged. Biting his lip, he waited for the answer.

"No."

Chuck felt shocked. The tone was harsh and cold and he just hadn't expected that answer. "Ever?" he squeaked.

As her eyes darted about the room, they burned, not with anger, but pain. Chuck thought she was going to say no, that they'd find a way to be together. Instead, she said, "Ever."

With his month gaping slightly, Chuck slowly got up, feeling numb. Two and half years and it had come down to this.

"Look, Chuck-"

Chuck stopped. He turned to find a panicked look in her eyes, before it disappeared again to be replaced by a detached jaded expression. "_Never mind_. Just know we_ can't_, okay?"

_Got it_, his mind screamed. Neither said another word as he walked out the door.

* * *

Hearing a knock, he looked up at the security feed. _Chuck._ He had expected him before now, but he supposed better late then never. Opening the door, he moved aside, and without the word, let Chuck in.

Chuck plopped down on the couch, looking depressed.

"Someone beat your top score at… Pac Man?" he finished lamely. He needed to update his videogame knowledge if he was ever going to be with… but no, that was never going to happen.

Chuck glared up at him. There was a weariness there that gave him a beaten down appearance. What ever was bothering him was serious.

Casey went into the kitchen. He eyed the hard liquor, considering the scotch, but decided against it. He wanted Chuck's mind focused when he told him the 'news'. Instead he went over to the fridge and grabbed two beers, opening them. Going back in, he handed one to Chuck before sitting down in his chair.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No." Chuck took a good long sip of his beer and pouted a bit more.

"Fair enough."

Casey even wasn't sure he even wanted to hear what Chuck had to say. It didn't take much to figure out that this was over his little 'coo fest' with Walker the night before.

There were a few moments of silence before Chuck leaned forward, the bottle hanging lazily between both hands. "Just tell me."

Casey sighed and rubbed his forehead. Chuck was being straight forward for once. He'd be the same. "Look at what happened last night."

"Just part of the mission. Hell, I've been dragged off so many times now that I expect it."

Casey narrowed his eyes. "You need to take what we do more seriously."

Chuck was quiet, like he didn't know what to say. Casey watched as he sat back and ran a finger over the rim of the bottle. Chuck's eyes were glued to his action like it was the most fascinating occurrence on the planet.

He went on, "Have you ever wondered what would happen to you when they got a new Intersect?"

"I'd go back to my old life, I guess"

Naive. So much trust. It saddened Casey to break it. "If you were the government, would you let all your most guarded secrets walk around, unwatched? Even old ones?"

"No, but I have-"

"_No,_ you don't. You _don't_ have Walker. You don't have me." Casey flinched at the flash of extreme pain that entered Chuck's dark eyes. Still, he went on, "If you were the government, would you waste the people's tax dollars storing old secrets… for life? No." He leaned forward, looking deep into the boy's eyes, making sure he'd understand. "Even secrets on paper meet a paper shedder sometime, Chuck."

"Are you saying…?" His eyes went wide and he quickly stood up. "You've got to be kidding me. After everything…"

Casey's lips went into a firm unpleased line. "I wish I was."

Chuck sat back down. Casey noticed his hands were practically strangling the beer bottle in his hands. Any tighter and he'd break it. His eyes were still wide, like he was struggling with processing what he had just learned. Casey got up from his chair and joined Chuck on the couch. Feeling uncertain he reached out and gently squeezed Chuck's leg to comfort him. Chuck's eyes darted towards his hand, burning a hole through it. He was about to withdraw his hand when Chuck grabbed it. Casey's mouth dropped, as did his heart, before he tore his hand away. He swallowed.

"That's why," he choked out, at last.

"The training?" Chuck asked. His voice was far more calm then Casey would have imagined.

Casey nodded. "As an agent, you'd be considered less of a risk. You have to do this, Chuck."

"I don't have much a choice, do I?"

"You never did."

"And then what? After I become an agent?"

"You partner with me or Walker. Which ever it is, we'll ease you in the best we can."

Much to Casey's surprise, Chuck gave a harsh short laugh. "The thought of being partners with Sarah at the moment seems worse then death."

Casey gave him a sad smile. "Spurned you again, did she?"

"Yeah, big time." He took a swig of his beer like it would make it all better.

Casey tried not to allow the boy's melodrama to get his hopes up. Chuck and Walker would be back to their old selves in no time and he'd still be what he always was, the third wheel. "You're the asset, plus anyone romancing Walker has the memory of Larkin to deal with. It doesn't matter that he's no longer 'dead'."

"I'll work harder. Do whatever you ask," Chuck said, ignoring his sympathy.

"Good."

"I know I'm barely better then when I first started all this."

"That's not true. You'd make one hell of an agent with some training. You've proven that."

Chuck rolled his eyes.

He watched Chuck closely for his reaction to what he said next. "You just have no self confidence… on any level." Casey always thought it was kind of sad someone like Chuck thought so little of himself.

Chuck laughed bitterly. "You know, I used to blame Bryce for that… my lack of confidence. It felt like I had lost everything due to him; my education, Jill, my dreams." He laughed again, "Even my sister's respect. Looking back now, though, I realize I never had much confidence to begin with. And the little I had cracked under the slightest pressure."

Casey made a face, like he had a bad taste in his mouth. "It doesn't make Larkin any less an asshole."

Chuck huffed and sat back with a scornful smile on his lips. "That it doesn't."

Casey always hated Larkin. Reckless, cocky and good looking to boot? They were always a bad mix. He had found some satisfaction in learning he was a traitor and being the one to fire the bullet to take him down. Seeing what he had done to someone he had once considered a friend just made Casey's blood boil all the more. And the fact that that friend was Chuck? Well, it was best not dwell on what he'd do to Larkin if he ever found him alone in a dark corner.

"Are you willing to do what it takes to reach that goal?" he asked, getting back to the point at hand.

"I always was," Chuck shrugged. "I just didn't know what you guys wanted from me."

"Well, Walker and I have had some disagreement about that."

Casey waited for Chuck to come to her defense. He didn't.

"I'm not feeling so favorable towards caring what she thinks one way or the other, at the moment," he said barely above a whisper.

Casey waited for more to come, but once again, Chuck surprised him and went silent.

"Tomorrow, courtyard, 5 am and tomorrow night, straight after work."

"Fine."

Chuck got up placing his now empty beer bottle down of the coffee table.

"Stay," he implored, glancing up. "Have another." It hadn't been the most pleasant topic, but he had been enjoying talking to Chuck.

Chuck eyed the kitchen to where Casey had just thumbed towards. "Rain check. I got an early day tomorrow."

"Right." Casey nodded. Getting up, he walked him to the door, doing his best not to show his disappointment.

Casey watched on the monitor as Chuck went over to his place and started his nightly routine before bed. It was always the same, but for some reason, Casey enjoyed watching it. Chuck sat on his bed, taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. Next always came the shoes, before he padded off to the bathroom to wash up. Returning, he took off his pants and shirt, dropping them to the floor in front of his bed. Chuck was wearing tightie whities tonight. Casey preferred him in boxers, but when it came to looking, who didn't?

Next, Chuck went over and flicked the main light off. Climbing into bed, he turned his side light on. That was different… He watched as Chuck picked his Ipod up, off his side table, put the headphones on and started moving his fingers across its screen. Lying back, he started listening to his music.

Casey figured he'd get no more entertainment tonight. He supposed Chuck wasn't in the mood for what normally came next. It was a shame, because for some reason he was in the mood. Yes, he still felt bad for listening, but some nights, he just couldn't help himself. It had become some strange type of foreplay for his own sessions. Didn't matter though. He had an imagination. There, things were far more simple and Chuck did whatever he wanted.

**End of chapter 5**

Note: No, I'm not making it easy on Chuck and Casey. Sarah is not out of the picture. Just warning you guys. She in this until the end.

Also, there is a slim chance my computer can be fixed. I'll know by next week. Because of this, I'm not even going to start rewriting chapter 6 until I know my computer's fate.


	6. Chapter 6

Casey made his way over to Big Mike's office. If there was one thing he could count on besides being poorly paid and being surrounded by morons, it was Big Mike's quarterly review.

"Sit down, John," the big man said as he entered. As he did so Big Mike folded his hands and leaned forward on his desk. "It's time for you to start thinking about your future."

Casey blinked. This wasn't how Big Mike's quarterly review speech normally went. Two years in and he had known the speech by heart.

"Besides forcing me to do all this extra paper work," he continued on as he shifted through employee reviews, "They have gotten on at me about our sales in big appliances again."

Casey narrowed his eyes. Big Mike better not be complaining about his performance in that area. "And?"

"They gave me permission to add a new manager to the appliance department. Since you're our top seller, I've chosen you."

"Thank you, but no."

Big Mike gaped. "But it comes with a fifty percent raise and working the floor less!"

Casey grunted with approval. As much as he'd want that, he had to remember this wasn't his real job, no matter what it felt like after two and a half years. "I'll take the raise, but not the position."

"You can't expect-"

"And I suggest Veronica. She is right under me in sales."

"That is not all she is under," Big Mike muttered under his breath.

Casey smirked. Veronica used her sex appeal to 'butter her bread' the way he used intimidation. She had the fiery sultry redhead act down to a tee and both men and women fell all over her for it. After a few weeks, she had sold more big sale items than most green shirts did in a whole quarter. Casey at first questioned what a woman like that was doing in a place like this, but after a background check he found that she was just a girl ,who liked to party hard and was between sugar daddies at the moment.

"Can I do anything to change your mind?" Mike asked with a sigh a few seconds later.

"Nope," he shrugged, "But if not Veronica, there is always Grimes."

Big Mike grimaced. "Veronica it is. Now for your review."

Casey's mouth tightened at the tone in his voice.

"Another part of the reason I was hoping you'd take the position was that you've been distracted of late. At first, I thought it was boredom, but after watching you-" Big Mike paused as if not wanting to say what was coming next, "I believe your crush on Bartowski has started to effect your job."

Casey's eyes bulged. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. If it was that obvious to someone like Big Mike then the whole store had to know, even if it was filled with a bunch of morons.

Big Mike lowered his voice, leaned forward and darted his eyes around as though someone was listening. "Look, I'm not one to judge. Buy More would be sued down to it's undies if I did. And what man hasn't had that…"

His eyes narrowed and darkened as if he were remembering something. Casey cringed and resisted the urge to run to the door and claw his way out.

Big Mike coughed. "My point is… love is love and I'm not going to judge that, but try to keep it out of the work place."

Casey wondered if he should deny it, then realized he was just better off not doing so. He just nodded and looked abashed. "Anything else?"

"No, besides that everything's fine. You sure you don't want the position?"

"Certain."

"Alright, Veronica it is."

Casey got up and started to head towards the door. After opening it, he turned, "Oh and my fifty percent raise?"

"You can't expect a raise without the work!"

Casey quirked an eyebrow. "There is always Large Mart."

Big Mike cursed under his breath. "Quarter raise. You know I can't get away with anymore."

"Fair enough."

"On the other hand" he said lost in a fond thought, "We can send Grimes off to Large Mart and give you his pay."

"You could never do that."

"And why's that?"

Casey jerks his head to the side and gave a half smile. "You need to keep Chuck entertained."

Big Mike's nodded in agreement. "True."

Casey went to go.

"Oh and John?" Big Mike said, stopping him again. Casey turned to see the man with a sad expression on his face. "Even with the blonde around, I think you have a shot."

Casey blinked and huffed in disbelief. He gave the man a firm nod and headed out the door. He didn't believe it, but as he left, he had to fight hard to not outright grin. He failed. In that moment, he felt strangely good. A raise, plus keeping Chuck happy? All in a days work. And then he found it amusing that Big Mike was in his 'corner'.

The moment he left the office he glanced around. He always did this, his eyes settling on their target within seconds. _Chuck._ Safe, sound and behind the Nerd Herders with one Anna Woo. The two had their heads put together and were looking at some magazine.

As he approached, he noticed Chuck jumped and shoved his hand and the magazine along with it behind his back. Bouncing up and down on his heals, he nervously said, "Hey Casey."

Casey narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What are you two up too?"

"Nothing. Just talking."

Casey grunted and continued to stare. Anna had a mischievous look in her eyes. Chuck, on the other hand, was acting like he was waiting for he blow to come.

"So…" Anna drew out, getting Casey attention. "You got yet another raise?"

Casey quirked an eyebrow.

"Please," she rolled her eyes. "Any Nerd Herder could get into the payroll within seconds."

Casey jerked his head in concession, a small smirk on his lips. Even he could do that, but not for the first time, he thought, the girl would make a half decent spy. She liked being nosy, was good at it and could kick some ass when she wanted to.

She smiled back, before seemingly having an idea dawn on her. She grabbed the magazine from Chuck's hand and shoved it towards him.

"What do you think?" she demanded. "Do you think Morgan would like it?"

Casey looked down to see a glossy ad. In it, a rather buxom brunette was laid out seductively, wearing a 'fuck me now' red garter belt set. Red and white hearts rained down on her.

He leered. "The getup or the girl?"

Anna sighed dramatically, "Either."

Casey frowned in confusion.

She looked up sheepishly. "I went on Morgan's computer and sort of stumbled across his user history… by mistake. Besides the sites he--- guys normally go to, he's been visiting these ga-"

"Ah!!!"

All eyes shot towards Chuck, who was flailing about and grimacing, before noticing that he was making a scene. He ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Anyway, as I was saying-"

From the corner of his eye, Casey saw Chuck frantically shaking his head and jerking it in his direction. Anna getting in message went quiet, but looked at Chuck darkly. Then smiling, she turned her eyes back towards Casey. "So you think he'll like it?" she asked lightly.

"Certain," he said somewhat strained, eyeing the ad again. While he was indeed certain the bearded geek would, he wanted to grab the other geek and shake him, until he was admitted to whatever he was hiding.

"What are you getting Sarah?" Anna asked Chuck.

"Um… haven't really thought about it."

Anna quirked an eyebrow and held up the magazine. "Want to take a look? It's only a week and a half away."

Chuck shook his head as if totally horrified at the thought,

"What's only a week away?" Casey asked.

"Valentines' Day."

He huffed. "Never took you as the sort," he admitted.

She shrugged, "Neither did I, but it sure gets Morgan going and…" She turned back to Chuck. "You sure?" she asked, holding the catalog up between two fingers and dancing it in Chuck's direction. "If you get something too, I can get half any bra. Those things aren't cheep."

"Er, sorry but, na… I'll figure something else out." He sighed.

"Alright, but if you change your mind." She left the catalog on the counter. "Got extras."

She started walking away, before stopping and pointing at Chuck, "You and me are talking later though."

Chuck waved at her and smiled through gritted teeth. "I'm so not looking forward to that." he muttered at Casey.

"Well you're going to be not looking forward to this more. Tell me what the hell that was about. Now!" He pushed himself into Chuck's personal space making his demand clear.

"It's private."

"Nothing is private from me. I know everything from your brand of underwear to the fact you got a B in English on your third grade report card."

Chuck flinched. "Thank you for reminding me that everything in my life ends up in some government file." He paused, before pouting and pointing his finger at Casey. "And I'll have you know I only got a B because Morgan lost my book report on Charlotte's Web, while trying to copy it. I bet that wasn't in your file."

"I'd say I sympathize, but I don't. We are doing this for your own good."

Chuck sighed sadly and gave him his best puppy dog eyes. "Not this. Please."

It was enough to make Casey waver, but he was still about to tell him there wasn't a choice, when they got interrupted.

"John!" Casey turned to see Veronica walking by. She leaned across the desk, flicking her hair back and smiling at him. "Thanks for the recommendation, but you do know that now that means I'm your boss."

"Yes," Casey smiled with fake sincerity.

"Well, I look forward to having you under me." She winked and walked away.

Casey grimaced and shuttered. "Now I feel dirty. Even worse. Now I think I've created a mon…ster." He had turned to find Chuck with his back to him. He was leaning over the counter, looking at the catalog. Casey looked over his shoulder and sneered at what he saw. Chuck was looking down at another ad in that catalog. This time it was a blonde laid out, in something white and lacey, on a big white canopy bed. The whole thing screamed 'wedding night'.

He grunted. "You would like that, wouldn't you?"

Chuck glanced back over his shoulder. "She's pretty." He looked back at the magazine with a look which is a little too intense and somewhat worried. Casey wondered what the hell had happened to the Buy More staff today. They were all acting weirder then normal.

Chuck threw the catalog aside and thumped his head down onto the desk. He sighed loudly. "Valentine's Day was a disaster last year. Why did it have to come again?"

Casey fought the nauseous feeling that was fast creeping up on him. "I think it has something to do with the turning of the earth and humans being a bunch of idiots."

"Any chance that I can hide out at your place?"

Casey sneered, "Sure, I'll break out the candles and wine."

Chuck lifted his head and looked at him with tired, sad eyes. "Maybe Jeff or Lester will be free."

Casey gave him a look that screamed 'Maybe?' before breaking. He started to open his lips to say 'sure', when Chuck broke in with "I got to go."

"Hey, Chuck!"

He kept walking, only acknowledging him as much as to wave him off with the flick of the hand. Casey watched him disappear into the back room. Somehow, he felt as though he had seriously fucked up. He was fuming over this fact, when a sudden and weak "Excuse me" caught his attention.

Turning, he glared at the meek man standing in front of him. "What?" he snapped.

The customer held up a cell phone, his hand shaking. "I…. I…. never mind."

The man scampered off. Glancing around him, Casey realized he was behind the Nerd Herders desk, the last place he belonged. Not caring if anyone else was there, he went off, abandoning the station.

It was only two hours later that Casey approached the employee's area, his shift being over and it being time to go home. He didn't know why, but he stopped dead at the door. A moment later, he heard Chuck speaking in hushed tones. "Look Morgan I appreciate everything, but-."

"You like it?" he said hopefully. "I saw it when I was looking for a little something for me and Anna.. You know to set the mood and I saw this and thought of you."

Chuck sighed, "You really shouldn't have… _Really. Really shouldn't have_."

"I know. Good right?" That was a pause. "That's what you're into right?"

Casey peeked inside to see Chuck holding a paper bag, close to his chest. He then opened the bag slightly, cringed and throw the bag into his locker.

"I don't have a clue," Chuck said in clear frustration. His face was red and he looked dazed. "You need to be careful or someone is going to find out and when they do-"

"I'll be careful. But really man, I don't care what they think and neither should you. Screw them, I say."

"You should care…. we need to talk."

"Alright," Morgan replied like some a wounded and very worried puppy.

Chuck placed his arm around Morgan's shoulder. "I got plans with Sarah tonight, but ah… have some free time. Pizza?"

"Sure."

Chuck nodded slammed his locker shut. A moment later, the duo headed in the direction of the door. Casey pressed himself against the wall. As the door swung open, Casey hid behind it. As they walked past him, he was relieved to see that neither had noticed him, but wanting to strangle Chuck on his lack of spy skills.

Once they were out of sight, Casey bolted into the employees' area and over to Chuck's locker.

Going into his pocket, he grabbed his lock picking case and dropped down on his knees to get a better look at the lock. Fidgeting with it, he cursed as, of course, it didn't open. He hated picking locks. It burned a little knowing that if this had been Walker, she would have opened already.

"Having fun?"

Turning his head quickly, he saw Anna standing there with a huge smile on her face.

Thinking fast, he said, "Er… I wanted another look at that magazine." He gave her a bashful smile.

She laughed, "Really? I thought you would have moved up to the big boy stuff by now."

Casey shrugged in amusement. "Reminds me of when I was young."

"And that was a long, long time ago."

"Might say that." He put on a thick 'good old boy' accent, "Back in the day, my ma had them mail order catalogs. I'd look at the pretty pictures and wasn't it something? Ladies in stockins?" Blowing out a breath, he gave his best 'overcome' expression. "Was pretty special." He shot her a shit eating grin.

Hands on hips and her own smug smirk on her lips, she shot out, "I like you."

Casey grunted.

"So where's Chuck?"

"He left." He paused, before adding, "Are you going to tell him I was in his locker?"

"Now, I'm not. He was supposed to have his little ass here for a chat." She brandished her hands out as though displaying the empty room.

"Good."

"So any idea were _Schmuck _is?"

"Pizza, with Morgan."

With that Anna, headed out the door. By the time the sound of her footsteps had disappeared, Casey was in Chuck's locker. He didn't feel so bad for selling Chuck out, given the fact that he was hiding stuff from him. Right now, he was just determined to figure out what was going on.

Pulling out a brown bag, he peeked inside and saw that it was a couple DVDs. _Probably some geek movie,_ he figured. But as he slipped them out of the bag, his eyes went wide. It was porn… gay porn. On them were very naked men and a sticker that said 'Half off, to get you off'.

_Nice._ Not only was Grimes buying his friend porn, he was buying him cheap porn.

Casey's shock deepened into a frown. Why would Morgan be getting Chuck gay porn… and better yet, why would gay porn make Grimes think of Chuck?

Gapping slightly, Casey sat down as it hit him. Chuck had taken as interest in men and somehow Morgan knew this. He eyed the DVDs. Not only did he know this, he thought that Chuck had a type, if the muscled testosterone filled… leather clad monkeys on the covers were any indication.

_Chuck liked men. Was interested in men. Wanted to have sex with men.  
_  
Casey did the best to squash the ray of hope that had formed. Yes, he told himself, Chuck might like the boys, but he wasn't one of them. But now, he got it in his mind to be.

Fuck.

**Note: **If thing go as planned they should be together within two chapters. Finally, I know!! LOL.


End file.
